Review: Roger Corman's Cult Classics

ROGER CORMAN TRIPLE FEATURE: ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS, NOT OF THIS EARTH, and WAR OF THE SATELLITES (DVD)

Review by Dread Sockett  

 

Release Date: 1/18/2011

Shoutfactory.com

Those of you eagerly awaiting the end of times, please rejoice. The release of these films on DVD surely must mean we've come to the end of all things. Why else would the rights holders wait this frakking long to put these damned things out?

I mean geez, we're already into a new video format so this is almost like putting stuff out on VHS. Of course, let me be first to admit, if they did put these out on VHS, well, ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS at least, I'd be hustling my silly butt down to the local thrift store to look for some old machine on which to play the stupid thing. Life is like that for the hardcore fanboy. Talk shit... collect shit while acting indignant and shit... talk more shit after getting shit... make popcorn... eat that shit... sit yer ass down and watch this shit... then write some crazy-assed shit.

It's a very simple life.

So here we have SHOUT FACTORY's awesome Oldschool release of not one but three hard-to-find films: ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS (1957), NOT OF THIS EARTH (1958) and WAR OF THE SATELLITES (1958). It's a crackass combo, but after crap bootlegs, this is like the SCI-FI boxsets that came out a few years ago. You just say thank the nerd gods and shut up. The main reason for many to pick this up is AOTCM followed closely by NOTE. I suppose the truly hardcore would put WOTS above these. If there is such a person I'd like to meet him/her though because s/he is an even bigger masochist than myself and bitches like us need to know our peers.

ATTACK: I almost had an aneurysm when I found out that not only does SHOUT present the film in Anamorphic widescreen, but there's even a fun commentary track to boot (and I'm not usually one who usually gives a damn about commentaries). I watched this fabulously awesome mess of a film twice in a row to soak in all aspects of its radioactive juices. The commentary features TOM WEAVER and the BRUNAS brothers (all authors of books that matter on old horror for those who can afford them suckers) and is full of probably more information than this film deserves.

Honestly, it's packed with so much insight you'd think they were discussing BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN (read: they don't talk shit about the material but are quite aware that they aren't talking about a film like BOF at the same time. It’s a fine line to walk). This type of commentary was what I expected when I sat down to watch THE GIANT BEHEMOTH's DVD and was horrified at the disrespect that FX maestros PHIL TIPPETT and DENNIS MUREN displayed, but I digress. ATTACK's presentation was truly perfect in all regards. The print is beautiful. I'd waited for this for years and can now ditch that awful full-screen ALLIED bootleg I've had all this time. As a side note, I never bothered to check all these years since many of this film's contemporaries were full screen, but for some reason I had no idea this was widescreen – and I call myself a fan of AOTCM. I'd watched the bootleg, assuming that was how it always looked. This should tell you why I was (nearly-ish) as nuts about this coming out as say, when the Japanese language version of GOJIRA/GODZILLA was released stateside.

ATTACK concerns scientists who come to a Pacific atoll in search of some missing colleagues. The atoll and its inhabitants were affected by nearby atomic testing. The atmosphere of surrealism sells this pic, even with its obvious shortcomings. It's all clearly cheap, but the atmosphere pervades and viewers need to just settle into the movie's crackass logic and roll with it. From the minute their boat lands and Corman gives us a half-baked money shot (one of the telepathic mutant crabs has a partial reveal as it decapitates someone), you know this isn't quite like the rest of the 50's flicks. No, you're not going to be watching the likes of DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL or even THEM! but you are miles above the Syfy-esque equivalents of the day like SHE DEMONS and MONSTER FROM GREEN HELL. This is quality 50's schlock and believe me there is a difference for those of our younger Peeps who think all B/W films look alike.

So after the scientists get settled, they all start getting picked off one by one. It becomes apparent the mutant crab monsters (who really don't do all that much attacking) assimilate the minds of their victims. This in turn leads to some interesting telepathic exchanges where they communicate with the remaining scientists through everything but the kitchen sink (really, I'm not kidding). Eventually, the usual showdown happens and we get to see the monsters in all their glory. The crabs are big and who knows how they went from normal crabs to the giant Japanese monster look. They even have "faces" which reminds me of THE BLACK SCORPION monsters' close-ups.

NOT OF THIS EARTH was a pleasant surprise since I don't recall seeing this as a kid. I'd heard about it, but it's always been a pain to track down even as a bootleg. The pleasantness was compounded, after my usual cursory scan of the disc to see what I was getting into, which suggested a rather boring movie made up of some guy walking around in a dark suit and sunglasses with buggy white eyeballs. I couldn't have been more wrong and now am awaiting a chance to check out the commentary that's attached.

BEVERLY GARLAND stars here as nurse Nadine and for those who need the name-drop explained, she was truly one of the first ass-kicking women in Horror/Sci-fi. While her peeps were shoving their knuckles into their mouths and stuck making coffee, Bev was refining the art of being a bitch in heels. Okay, maybe a little knuckle shoving but it was done with some BETTE DAVIS bitchiness™. I LOVE BEVERLY GARLAND. Of course, it was odd that here she kinda worked my nerves for being kinda too independent when she clearly needed to STFU and listen to her cop boyfriend... but naaaaaaaaw. It was obvious though that in this role she was meant to be a little less spirited and more of a sensitive character compared to her other roles (like say her bitchy self in IT CONQUERED THE WORLD) so all is forgiven.

PAUL BIRCH stars as Paul Johnson, an alien agent who has come to earth in search for blood to help save his dying planet, Davana. Birch's alien speaks in this cold, stiff manner that at first is a little jarring, but is perfect for his alien. He really does sell the role of an alien being who's trying to fit into earth's society with all of the expected awkward deliveries and lacking emotion, not to mention a near total unawareness of stuff like parking laws and other customs like not killing people and tossing their remains into your furnace. Birch, for our apocalypse fans, also starred in CORMAN's DAY THE WORLD ENDED.

Johnson gets Nadine to become his personal nurse at his home so that she can give him blood transfusions. This keeps Johnson alive so that he can continue with his mission of sending specimens back to his superiors in Davana. Nadine meets Johnson's chauffeur Jeremy, who's a hustler who unknowingly gets charged with bringing back victims for Johnson. Mixed into this is Nadine's cop BF and her doc employer who's researching Johnson's blood condition while under his telepathic control. Throughout NOTE we get rabies injections, funky dimensional travel machines, mind control, lotsa deaths, and of a little bit of tolerable cheese to top it off.

NOTE could easily play with the likes of IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE and INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS.

WAR OF THE SATELLITES: For this reviewer, the less said about this little gem the better, though being featured with NOTE only underscores what a good film NOTES is and gives the uninitiated viewer of older Sci-Fi a good idea of what a bad 50's film looks like versus one that actually has some merits. In WOTS, the denizens of the galaxy don't like that us humans are starting to venture into space so they basically forbid us from space travel. Of course, what do we do? We travel into space first chance we get in our massive rocket ships outfitted with reclining lounge chairs which in turn doesn't make our body invading galaxy neighbors too happy (the travel, not lounge chairs). YAWN.

FEATURES: A pretty good Corman salute is included which contains some mostly enjoyable remembrances from those who went through the Corman school of film making. It does get a little smoochey-tedious after a bit, but good nonetheless. TRAILERS: I never thought trailers counted as a “feature” but whatever. The last time I got even remotely interested in trailers on a disc was when I think SIMITAR had a bunch of GODZILLA ones collected. Here, 25 CORMAN trailers surely will appeal to someone- Hell, I might even sit through them at some point. The commentaries are the features to zero in on though. I still haven't heard NOTE's but if AOTCM is an indication, it too will be an excellent listen.

FINIS: All in all, this is a kickass set of some sorely missing movies. SHOUT has kicked ass with their MST3K sets (despite being priced like some damned gold bricks... I'm still saving lunch money for my GYPSY figure before THAT goes outta print, mmmkay! Sheesh guys, GYPSY better vibrate and make me breakfast when all is done) (oops... nuther digresion). With this release, I am a bonofide fan of this company. This set was obviously put together by folks who knew what they had and gave a damn and it totally shows. This was like a CRITERION release of for us B-movie fans. Really. Usually I don't steer this far from Horror reviews, I mean this IS SCI-FI period, but this release just made me hafta do the fanboy dirty boogie babble.

Review: The Vegan Revolution... with Zombies

The Vegan Revolution... with Zombies

By David Agranoff

Review by DeadVida

Curiosity got the better of me and I ordered this novel. I mean, other than interviews with Linnea Quigley and Attack of the Vegan Zombies (which really had nothing to do with veganism), I seldom see the chocolate and peanut butter union of vegans and zombies. That said, my expectations were dubious-to-low, given that this was a new release from Deadrite Press – the same people who brought you The Haunted Vagina and Ass Goblins of Aushwitz (no, really, go look it up http://eraserheadpress.com/).

That said, this was the best satire involving vegans I have ever read and the zombie outbreak here was fresh and original. In the interest of full disclosure, I am a long-time abolitionist vegan (who loves horror and has a sense of humor) and while reading the book I had to wonder who else the audience was other than me and two friends. I quickly went out and bought both friends copies.

Author David Agranoff doesn’t let anyone off the hook and for that I love him. He blasts the welfare “reforms” that have lead to the idea of “happy meat”, as well as PETA, freegans, and the “dreaded ex-vegan.” He also takes on Portland’s hipster culture (and their fucked up obsession with bacon) and Juggalos. While it is obvious he is an abolitionist, he also has some fun mocking Gary Francione’s ardent followers. That was the point at which this went from rollicking fun zombie novel to one of my favorite reads this year. Hell, he even derides the zombie-obsessed.

The overall premise is that the creation of “Stress-Free Meat,” as pushed for by welfarists and people who think exploitation can be “humane,” has unexpected consequences and meat-eaters begin turning into zombies. Set in Portland, arguably the vegan mecca of the US, the only people unaffected are those who abstain from all animal products. The protagonist, Dani, is recently vegan so she suddenly sees animal exploitation with unmuted horror. She works at a publishing house that is cranking out classic mash-ups with zombies. She begins to notice changes in her co-workers and suddenly she, her boyfriend, and the rest of the vegans in Portland are fighting for their cruelty-free lives.

The end of the book was more serious and didactic than I would have expected, but still appreciated. At 160 pages this is a quick read and one I whole-heartedly recommend.

Paperback: 160 pages

Publisher: Deadite Press

Pub date: August 30, 2010

ISBN:  9781936383139

The RM Committee For Better Mental Health Via Dubious New Years Revolutions

So the Rigor Mortis Committee For Better Mental Health Via Dubious New Years Revolutions was convened. One of our first attempts at rational discourse was the cover of Rigor Mortis #4. Like most family gatherings, it resulted in the good china flying.

In the last few months we have already created three covers. After each issue we’ve heard from the lily livered that our covers are too scary. Well, boo-fucking-hoo.

But we decided to relax our grip on the beating hearts of our readers and created an Alien inspired cover. We also thought we would open up our content to more types of horror. Ho-hum. Booooring.

Let’s face it, Rigor Mortis is about safe, zombie apocalypse bloodletting. So we were back on the gore like white on rice. That tangent resulted in a The Walking Dead painting. Look at that nasty-assed ropey bloody drool. Yum. Our satisfaction only lasted a few weeks until the next idea hit…

And now, thanks to the wonders of ADD, we are all kinds of hawt about voodoo zombies. That’s right, grandpappy’s Z’s. We had Bojan paint one of the Sugar Hill zombies. Never easy top please, we are now toying with an I Walked with a Zombie-inspired cover.(Rough draft shown)

In the midst of all this the RM ink-bitch, Bojan, decided 2-D wasn’t enough for his artistic demons and picked up a dormant project. In the Pre-RM days, Bojan, Dread, and I toyed with the idea of releasing a licensed model of Vampirella based on the iconic image created by Frank Frazetta. We had planned to do some limited castings to sell and thereby raise cash to pay for the license and future art projects. This was planned as homage to Forrest J Ackerman, Frazetta, Trina Robbins and James Warren. The packaging was going to be based on Aurora's box art with a Bojan's take of the Frazetta piece on it painted off the finished sculpt. Sexy, no?

Then shit hit the fan (cancer, work, life, death, MSG) and in the midst of all that parts to the prototype went missing. A hand was lost…legs broke…so we ditched it and months later RM was born, suckling all of our anxious and creative energies. It also didn't help when we reconsidered it as an RM hiatus project that Ackerman and Frazetta passed away (in 2008 and 2010, respectively).

So during this latest cover brawl, I suggested to Bojan he finish the damned thing. He was having one of those pesky artist tantrums, where he was going around throwing away unfinished art projects. Sometimes the only way you can win a fight with an artist of his temperament is to out ADD/OCD him. It scares him. He-he.

He is now being kept busy repinning/dremeling/epoxying the hand and broken ankle. We still have no idea what the Hell we're doing with it when he's done, but still want to do something at some point.

So now that he is in artistic restraints for the moment, we still need to decide about the damned cover. Do we go for new gore? Voodoo? Something else we haven’t explored? We are curious to hear from our readers.

And at that, we begin 2011…

Is it over now?

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The Walking Dead: Review Episode 6, "TS-19"

 

TS-19

(Or: Unexpected Houseguests From Hell And How To Deal With Them) 

By Dread Sockett

INGREDIENTS NEEDED:

Liquor

Explody-type stuff

Awkward social skills

So in my really short, less-is-more review (bwahahaha) of THE WALKING DEAD Episode 5 (Wildfire), I took the news of Frank Darabont shite-canning his writers and ran with it like a Crackhead with a stolen TV set. Well, since then there has been a flurry of updates (read: cut and pasted links and paraphrases from primarily two sources) that in essence say: “No, Darabont didn't can his writers, not really...errr... sort of... and stuff... ooh look a butterfly!”.  Kirkman and Hurd made statements to downplay these erroneous reports saying that there's no big egos in little China and there's no writers being fired ... well, not as us little people understand "fired", just re-purposed in Illuminati-type ways only industry insiders are privy too and even though no writers got canned they still aren't sure how the writing thing is working next season, but still, chill bitches, chill.

WHEW! Glad we got that cleared up.

FINALE REVIEW, FINALLY: This is it. Countdown begins to next season. The good thing is, when that surfaces this show will finally get some darn breathing room. I'm going to assume these rushed stories and crackass, crowbarred script issues will be a thing of the past or downplayed to a noticeable degree. Consistency would be nice. I know you, dear reader, wonder how these reviews can be so negative yet I still look forward to Season 2. This is why: there's still so much to explore and work with and most importantly, improve on, but this show needs more time to do it. Hell, maybe they might even remember there was once a comic at the root of this TV series. When TWD first began, in all fairness, no one knew how well-received it would be. Well, now that it's a success, there's no need to jam everything, but the kitchen sink into 6 episodes.

This season had some really good points, but they were overshadowed by unevenness and terrible character developments (i.e.: getting insight into people pretty much as they die is just plain bad). And except for elements of the VATOS episode, I never had the same issue with the acting as some other reviewers. In fact, they all did pretty well, all points considered. I mean damn, I really believe Andrea is a psycho bitch that needs some serious medication. Jim & Jacki's actors sold their characters to me but then of course, got killed off leaving me more irritated at the writers for short-changing them than sad to see them go. Everyone else appears to be working with what they've got rather than under-performing. If we're lucky, and TWD's potential is really exploited, much of Season 1 will be nothing but a special feature on Season 2's boxset. Well, save for the pilot, which could almost stand on its own. Here’s hoping these last 6 weeks have just been warm up.

THE BAD: I understand that we've gotten little-to-no cozy time with Jaqui, but I mean really, expendable character or not, I had to clutch my pearls on this one. The writers had the Grrl switch gears and decide to get incinerated. For those needing the memo: they had her butt choose to burn to death. BURN. TO. DEATH. Don't talk to me about the world that awaits, how quick, blah blah blah. No warning, suddenly crispy character. Re-read them caps and tell me you'd pick that. Damn.

I would've bought this a little better if the story didn't go from cocktail party to Kamikaze in 60 seconds. Again, this is what I am talking about with the rushed feeling and sloppy writing. It would have taken a minimal changes to make this almost believable. The only change needed to make this work would have been the implied passage of time. I mean really, they show up JUST as the building is about to blow up??? Let the survivors feel safe for a few weeks. Food in their bellies, showers, sleep, and let the PTSD have a chance to take root. Let the doc get to know these people, care for them, and let the weight of his knowledge about the building's imminent kaboom grow into a beneficent messiah complex. Have him kill them out of mercy, not this wishy-washy version of it.

Of course most characters are going to react with a fight to the death survival instinct when someone is trying to make the choice for them.That's where it changes the game for most people. If Jaqui had been given a scene or two showing that she was terrified of going back outside it would have made sense for her to go from murder to suicide in the blink of an eye. I just didn't get a die-on-my-own-terms vibe. But whatever, I'm more of a Marilyn Monroe-leave-a-pretty-corpse kinda guy, so maybe it's just me. Maybe some people do like that crispy BBQ action. And despite her freak-out last episode I wanted to see what happened to her, but not like this.

CAROL THE PURSE BOMBER: OH. MY. GAWD. Sure.. ummm, I'll roll with it. Anyone, and I mean anyone who has the unmitigated badassery to calmly whip out a grenade that they've been lugging around in their purse like it was some TV remote they forgot about is alright by me. I mean really. A grenade. The men of the group are running around like a bunch of school girls tryin' to see Justin Beiber cuz they can't bust through the glass barrier and BAM! Carol just casually whips out an explosive that will save all their butts. Work that shit, Grrrl. Hope she has some tires, gasoline and extra food in that magic bag for later (Hell, maybe she has an extra husband in there too). I mean geez, how did Rick forget about it since he found it? Was there too much going on? Well, Carol remembered it while there was a crisis so what does that say? Told ya'll Rick was kinda thick. He might'z got a purty mouf, but shit for brains. Make that woman leader NOW!

My Ears are Crying: Before I tackle the obvious ongoing, closing-music-as-some-kinda-hipster-irony-whatever-deepness I suggest you snag yourself a copy of Vera Lynn's "We'll Meet Again" (and yes, I do mean the version found on DR. STRANGELOVE). Now put that in place of Dylan's closing song and tell me that doesn't work better. Now remember, Jaqui done got blowed up... some of the escaping group were smote with pesky blast burns, bubbling flesh and missing half their face from being so close to ground zero (oops, sorry, that would be in real life, my bad), they're driving off into the sunset in more vehicles than there are survivors, and we're stuck waiting for a almost a fracking year for the next season. Go on, I'll wait.

(tick, tock, tick, tock)

There, see? Tell me you ain't all misty eyed like yer momma done took away yer XBOX and kicked yer ass out the basement with only a half bag of tater chips. Uh huh, thought so. Save Dylan for one of them Johnny Cash "The Man Comes Around" montages you know is coming.

OVERALL: This was a compelling episode. The opening was probably the most exciting segment of the show. Seeing how Shane dealt with Rick was revealing. At best, he was literally up against the wall with split second life and death decisions to make for both, creating some serious tension. At worst, we see he's a piss poor trained officer and first responder who let his emotions get the best of him when he was checking for Rick's vitals. Still pretty awesome beginning.

It was interesting that in the previous episode, Rick has a meltdown as his grand plan crashes around them and they are stuck outside with death inching towards them. Then once inside they repay the "kindly" doc, by getting shitfaced throughout the facility.  Nice. While they are eating, further displays of their shitty social skills come into view, and Shane kills the fun by being...well... a dick. He rudely confronts the doctor for info, as if he's pressing him for some murder confession. Luckily the doc shuts down his, and most of their rude asses, with, well....reality....and what a bitch she is these days. Guess that showed Andrea that there's a bigger bitch in town now. Didn't come for the eggs, indeed. I assumed the doc's little brain-go-boom presentation was gonna knock her butt down a few more notches and back to some form of civility. Nooooo, as usual Andrea has to go there again with the whole, "What yer saying is we're screwed" yammer like it's all his fault. See, it's all in the cadence... the nuance. She has none. She just has "Bitch". Gawd... I implore someone to take control of this character's writing before I kick in my flipping TV. And to Laurie Holden, you are selling this shit a little too well, Grrl. I hate your character more than one of my exes.

Now, as irritating as I found some of the survivors’ behavior, I did enjoy this infomercial...err, section most of all. It was almost payback watching them squirm as they realized their fates were hopelessly sealed, and we hadn't even gotten to the ‘splosion part. No more CRATE & BARREL. No more WAL-MART. No more ESPRESSO. It's OVAH! And no amount of tantrums, snarky comments, friending, posting etc.... is gonna save ya. I've always thought these guys were some damn rude SOBs that needed to effing chill and the doc managed to accomplish this with brutal, clinical precision and barely raised an eyebrow... well his voice maybe. Hopefully with their new lease on life they'll grow up a little.

I'll also hope that since we've seen a kid zombie, a horse eaten, a wife-beater beaten, children drinking, and now Shane's drunken sexual assault on Lori, that we'll get to see Carl finally get a gun in hand next season and none of this PC glaze over. The scene between Shane and Lori was a disturbing and well-done (although Lori still seems to act  by staring) that there should be no excuse to hold back in this show.

‘SPLOSIONS AND THINGS BLOWEDED UP: The ending felt rushed. The finale really needed some breathing room and it felt as if there was an entire middle sequence missing that needed to get us to the countdown room more effectively. It was because of this expediency that the doc's actions didn't quite gel. He's obviously a man of some honor who sticks to commitments and gives a damn. It's irrelevant that he's revealed to be a scientist grunt and merely stuck to the plan. He still valued human life enough to continue working besides the fact he let them in knowing things were ultimately futile. Was this his god complex in allowing them one last night of fun before he destroyed them? Also, despite containment protocols, he still wasn't depicted as unhinged enough that he would assume the destiny of these survivors was entirely his call. He went from quiet and having some suspected internalized issues to suddenly he's all suicidal and taking the party with him. It just felt like this section started pulling in too many directions at once. When we finally get to Andrea's choice to stay behind it also seemed a little effed that Dale is positioned in such a way as to focus on her only. This set up, doomsday timing and their relationship be damned, just looks sloppy as Hell that Jaqui is there like a piece of meat and no acknowledgement. Despite this, I was still quite moved by Dale's comments and Jaqui's choice.

So, there you have it. Time to start watching the clock for next season. More episodes should hopefully give the new writers....oops! The writers who haven't been fired but aren't all there some stretching room with the new freelancers that didn't really get hired. I'm eager to see Michonne & Tyrese show up – two characters I sincerely hope they do not mess with – as well as the reappearance of Merle. Guess we'll see, right?

Z. A. Recht - One Year Ago Today

Horror author Z.A. RECHT left us one year ago today. We dedicated our last issue to him and ran a piece on this rising talent whose potential we'll never fully know.

He was unable to complete his apocalyptic zombie series THE MORNINGSTAR TRILOGY (PLAGUE OF THE DEAD & THUNDER AND ASHES) leaving fans to wonder how the story ended.

Luckily, what he did have completed and also through the notes he'd left behind, Recht's final book SURVIVORS is being assembled right now with the blessings of his family. The folks at Permuted Press are painstakingly pulling together the elements to allow Z. A. Recht's legacy to live on, in as close to his voice as is possible. The news of this undertaking is huge for fans of the series. We wish them all the best. Visit Z's forum to see snippets of the work in progress, with occasional updates as the project takes form.

So a toast on this Friday to the man, Z!  We salute you!

The Walking Dead: Review Episode 5, "Wildfire"

WILDTIRED

(Or, Pardon Me But I'm Feeeling A Little Bitchy)

By Dread Sockett

So here we are at the next to last episode of Season One of TWD. For this review I want to attempt a less is more attitude and knock this out in as few words as possible (quit laughing over there little ms. editor.) (Editor’s note: bwhahahahahaha.). Think of this attempt like the show itself, where 40+ minutes of actual viewing time needs to communicate an hour and a half of material. Now, I won't lie, this is kind of a test since I've heard that my reviews are far too long. Whatever. I'm feeling bitchy....so let's see what we come up with shall we?

The big news this week was that FRANK DARABONT has canned his writers. To that I say good. It's about time. The show’s writing has been on a swift landslide into mediocrity. Of course it's wonderful to have a weekly zombie show, but what good is it if it's filled with unlikable "survivors"  and a time frame that is woefully short to get around to the "they're really good people once we get to know them"? I say good riddance and good luck to DARABONT in this bold move. I certainly won't argue if it means some of this DAWSON'S CREEK shit gets ditched. Can it go either way? Of course. I'll take my chances.

Episode 5 (“Wildfire”) was probably my new favorite episode and finally, the characterization gets ramped up even more. In hindsight, we look at how poorly developed the characters have been that it almost works against itself now that there's some emotional moments going on. Many characters weren't all that likable to begin with so now FINALLY we have reason to care and we must force ourselves because that's what we're supposed to do. In the case of Andrea sitting with her sister for what? 12 hours? That was touching and all, but come on, that was beginning to get soapy; I mean I was starting to break out the wash cloth and lather up. I understand where they were trying to go, but it began to feel forced being so drawn out. It stopped being touching and became unhinged. It also did not help in the least that she pulls a gun on Rick (for a second time), which undermines the sentiment of the moment.  Andrea is fucking nuts, dead sister or not. Get that bitch some Ativan STAT next trip into town.

And just when I thought the group was getting some serious, convincing, personality time so that I didn't feel the need to paint them as a bunch of poor-desperate-white-collars-on-the-verge-of-nervous-breakdown, they go and have Jim's outing by Jaque just get out of control. I mean shit, instead of acting with compassion that one of her compatriots is mortally wounded and OBVIOUSLY (KEYWORD) not about to turn in a second, they have her go batshit crazy. Why'd they finally give her screen time and do that to her? I hate the bitch now. Then of course, she yo-yo's and becomes Florence Nightingale in the van. TOUCHING HIM AND SHIT. Remember folks, she had springs in her ass when he was clearly ambulatory and lucid, yet when he's obviously succumbing to infection she's right up against his face? She kisses him for fuck’s sake! THE HELL? Did I miss something in Zed 101? I guess she really was a government worker back in the day with them two-faced social skills (no offense to government workers who do actually have class). And I kinda liked her too.

THANK GAWD DALE IS STILL AROUND. The only person I truly like (read: that has fucking brains worth a shit in this group).

Rick's meltdown was good...though why did it take until now to show he had more than one emotion inside? Was he just too tired from chasing that wandering accent? Everyone else too, had a good show of emotions that I wish was apparent when the shows first started and we were getting to know them. I would've thought much better of the show and the actors than I have. I mean jeezuz, I've been more interested in Darryl and Merle all this time and that's a damn problem. But if yer gonna stick me with assholes then I'll at least stick with the ones with actual survival skills. OVERALL: A good solid episode that should have been the standard from the start.

Frank Darabont, work some magic with the new guys. When I saw you were willing to shoot the little girl zombie and take the horse down (despite riling all the PC bitches) I couldn't wait to see what you were gonna hit us with. What followed was a pale imitation of that fuck-it stance. Bring on Seasons 2's new writers. IT'S A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, START FUCKING SOME SHIT UP!

And I lied...I ran my mouth.