The RM Committee For Better Mental Health Via Dubious New Years Revolutions

So the Rigor Mortis Committee For Better Mental Health Via Dubious New Years Revolutions was convened. One of our first attempts at rational discourse was the cover of Rigor Mortis #4. Like most family gatherings, it resulted in the good china flying.

In the last few months we have already created three covers. After each issue we’ve heard from the lily livered that our covers are too scary. Well, boo-fucking-hoo.

But we decided to relax our grip on the beating hearts of our readers and created an Alien inspired cover. We also thought we would open up our content to more types of horror. Ho-hum. Booooring.

Let’s face it, Rigor Mortis is about safe, zombie apocalypse bloodletting. So we were back on the gore like white on rice. That tangent resulted in a The Walking Dead painting. Look at that nasty-assed ropey bloody drool. Yum. Our satisfaction only lasted a few weeks until the next idea hit…

And now, thanks to the wonders of ADD, we are all kinds of hawt about voodoo zombies. That’s right, grandpappy’s Z’s. We had Bojan paint one of the Sugar Hill zombies. Never easy top please, we are now toying with an I Walked with a Zombie-inspired cover.(Rough draft shown)

In the midst of all this the RM ink-bitch, Bojan, decided 2-D wasn’t enough for his artistic demons and picked up a dormant project. In the Pre-RM days, Bojan, Dread, and I toyed with the idea of releasing a licensed model of Vampirella based on the iconic image created by Frank Frazetta. We had planned to do some limited castings to sell and thereby raise cash to pay for the license and future art projects. This was planned as homage to Forrest J Ackerman, Frazetta, Trina Robbins and James Warren. The packaging was going to be based on Aurora's box art with a Bojan's take of the Frazetta piece on it painted off the finished sculpt. Sexy, no?

Then shit hit the fan (cancer, work, life, death, MSG) and in the midst of all that parts to the prototype went missing. A hand was lost…legs broke…so we ditched it and months later RM was born, suckling all of our anxious and creative energies. It also didn't help when we reconsidered it as an RM hiatus project that Ackerman and Frazetta passed away (in 2008 and 2010, respectively).

So during this latest cover brawl, I suggested to Bojan he finish the damned thing. He was having one of those pesky artist tantrums, where he was going around throwing away unfinished art projects. Sometimes the only way you can win a fight with an artist of his temperament is to out ADD/OCD him. It scares him. He-he.

He is now being kept busy repinning/dremeling/epoxying the hand and broken ankle. We still have no idea what the Hell we're doing with it when he's done, but still want to do something at some point.

So now that he is in artistic restraints for the moment, we still need to decide about the damned cover. Do we go for new gore? Voodoo? Something else we haven’t explored? We are curious to hear from our readers.

And at that, we begin 2011…

The Walking Dead: Review Episode 6, "TS-19"

 

TS-19

(Or: Unexpected Houseguests From Hell And How To Deal With Them) 

By Dread Sockett

INGREDIENTS NEEDED:

Liquor

Explody-type stuff

Awkward social skills

So in my really short, less-is-more review (bwahahaha) of THE WALKING DEAD Episode 5 (Wildfire), I took the news of Frank Darabont shite-canning his writers and ran with it like a Crackhead with a stolen TV set. Well, since then there has been a flurry of updates (read: cut and pasted links and paraphrases from primarily two sources) that in essence say: “No, Darabont didn't can his writers, not really...errr... sort of... and stuff... ooh look a butterfly!”.  Kirkman and Hurd made statements to downplay these erroneous reports saying that there's no big egos in little China and there's no writers being fired ... well, not as us little people understand "fired", just re-purposed in Illuminati-type ways only industry insiders are privy too and even though no writers got canned they still aren't sure how the writing thing is working next season, but still, chill bitches, chill.

WHEW! Glad we got that cleared up.

FINALE REVIEW, FINALLY: This is it. Countdown begins to next season. The good thing is, when that surfaces this show will finally get some darn breathing room. I'm going to assume these rushed stories and crackass, crowbarred script issues will be a thing of the past or downplayed to a noticeable degree. Consistency would be nice. I know you, dear reader, wonder how these reviews can be so negative yet I still look forward to Season 2. This is why: there's still so much to explore and work with and most importantly, improve on, but this show needs more time to do it. Hell, maybe they might even remember there was once a comic at the root of this TV series. When TWD first began, in all fairness, no one knew how well-received it would be. Well, now that it's a success, there's no need to jam everything, but the kitchen sink into 6 episodes.

This season had some really good points, but they were overshadowed by unevenness and terrible character developments (i.e.: getting insight into people pretty much as they die is just plain bad). And except for elements of the VATOS episode, I never had the same issue with the acting as some other reviewers. In fact, they all did pretty well, all points considered. I mean damn, I really believe Andrea is a psycho bitch that needs some serious medication. Jim & Jacki's actors sold their characters to me but then of course, got killed off leaving me more irritated at the writers for short-changing them than sad to see them go. Everyone else appears to be working with what they've got rather than under-performing. If we're lucky, and TWD's potential is really exploited, much of Season 1 will be nothing but a special feature on Season 2's boxset. Well, save for the pilot, which could almost stand on its own. Here’s hoping these last 6 weeks have just been warm up.

THE BAD: I understand that we've gotten little-to-no cozy time with Jaqui, but I mean really, expendable character or not, I had to clutch my pearls on this one. The writers had the Grrl switch gears and decide to get incinerated. For those needing the memo: they had her butt choose to burn to death. BURN. TO. DEATH. Don't talk to me about the world that awaits, how quick, blah blah blah. No warning, suddenly crispy character. Re-read them caps and tell me you'd pick that. Damn.

I would've bought this a little better if the story didn't go from cocktail party to Kamikaze in 60 seconds. Again, this is what I am talking about with the rushed feeling and sloppy writing. It would have taken a minimal changes to make this almost believable. The only change needed to make this work would have been the implied passage of time. I mean really, they show up JUST as the building is about to blow up??? Let the survivors feel safe for a few weeks. Food in their bellies, showers, sleep, and let the PTSD have a chance to take root. Let the doc get to know these people, care for them, and let the weight of his knowledge about the building's imminent kaboom grow into a beneficent messiah complex. Have him kill them out of mercy, not this wishy-washy version of it.

Of course most characters are going to react with a fight to the death survival instinct when someone is trying to make the choice for them.That's where it changes the game for most people. If Jaqui had been given a scene or two showing that she was terrified of going back outside it would have made sense for her to go from murder to suicide in the blink of an eye. I just didn't get a die-on-my-own-terms vibe. But whatever, I'm more of a Marilyn Monroe-leave-a-pretty-corpse kinda guy, so maybe it's just me. Maybe some people do like that crispy BBQ action. And despite her freak-out last episode I wanted to see what happened to her, but not like this.

CAROL THE PURSE BOMBER: OH. MY. GAWD. Sure.. ummm, I'll roll with it. Anyone, and I mean anyone who has the unmitigated badassery to calmly whip out a grenade that they've been lugging around in their purse like it was some TV remote they forgot about is alright by me. I mean really. A grenade. The men of the group are running around like a bunch of school girls tryin' to see Justin Beiber cuz they can't bust through the glass barrier and BAM! Carol just casually whips out an explosive that will save all their butts. Work that shit, Grrrl. Hope she has some tires, gasoline and extra food in that magic bag for later (Hell, maybe she has an extra husband in there too). I mean geez, how did Rick forget about it since he found it? Was there too much going on? Well, Carol remembered it while there was a crisis so what does that say? Told ya'll Rick was kinda thick. He might'z got a purty mouf, but shit for brains. Make that woman leader NOW!

My Ears are Crying: Before I tackle the obvious ongoing, closing-music-as-some-kinda-hipster-irony-whatever-deepness I suggest you snag yourself a copy of Vera Lynn's "We'll Meet Again" (and yes, I do mean the version found on DR. STRANGELOVE). Now put that in place of Dylan's closing song and tell me that doesn't work better. Now remember, Jaqui done got blowed up... some of the escaping group were smote with pesky blast burns, bubbling flesh and missing half their face from being so close to ground zero (oops, sorry, that would be in real life, my bad), they're driving off into the sunset in more vehicles than there are survivors, and we're stuck waiting for a almost a fracking year for the next season. Go on, I'll wait.

(tick, tock, tick, tock)

There, see? Tell me you ain't all misty eyed like yer momma done took away yer XBOX and kicked yer ass out the basement with only a half bag of tater chips. Uh huh, thought so. Save Dylan for one of them Johnny Cash "The Man Comes Around" montages you know is coming.

OVERALL: This was a compelling episode. The opening was probably the most exciting segment of the show. Seeing how Shane dealt with Rick was revealing. At best, he was literally up against the wall with split second life and death decisions to make for both, creating some serious tension. At worst, we see he's a piss poor trained officer and first responder who let his emotions get the best of him when he was checking for Rick's vitals. Still pretty awesome beginning.

It was interesting that in the previous episode, Rick has a meltdown as his grand plan crashes around them and they are stuck outside with death inching towards them. Then once inside they repay the "kindly" doc, by getting shitfaced throughout the facility.  Nice. While they are eating, further displays of their shitty social skills come into view, and Shane kills the fun by being...well... a dick. He rudely confronts the doctor for info, as if he's pressing him for some murder confession. Luckily the doc shuts down his, and most of their rude asses, with, well....reality....and what a bitch she is these days. Guess that showed Andrea that there's a bigger bitch in town now. Didn't come for the eggs, indeed. I assumed the doc's little brain-go-boom presentation was gonna knock her butt down a few more notches and back to some form of civility. Nooooo, as usual Andrea has to go there again with the whole, "What yer saying is we're screwed" yammer like it's all his fault. See, it's all in the cadence... the nuance. She has none. She just has "Bitch". Gawd... I implore someone to take control of this character's writing before I kick in my flipping TV. And to Laurie Holden, you are selling this shit a little too well, Grrl. I hate your character more than one of my exes.

Now, as irritating as I found some of the survivors’ behavior, I did enjoy this infomercial...err, section most of all. It was almost payback watching them squirm as they realized their fates were hopelessly sealed, and we hadn't even gotten to the ‘splosion part. No more CRATE & BARREL. No more WAL-MART. No more ESPRESSO. It's OVAH! And no amount of tantrums, snarky comments, friending, posting etc.... is gonna save ya. I've always thought these guys were some damn rude SOBs that needed to effing chill and the doc managed to accomplish this with brutal, clinical precision and barely raised an eyebrow... well his voice maybe. Hopefully with their new lease on life they'll grow up a little.

I'll also hope that since we've seen a kid zombie, a horse eaten, a wife-beater beaten, children drinking, and now Shane's drunken sexual assault on Lori, that we'll get to see Carl finally get a gun in hand next season and none of this PC glaze over. The scene between Shane and Lori was a disturbing and well-done (although Lori still seems to act  by staring) that there should be no excuse to hold back in this show.

‘SPLOSIONS AND THINGS BLOWEDED UP: The ending felt rushed. The finale really needed some breathing room and it felt as if there was an entire middle sequence missing that needed to get us to the countdown room more effectively. It was because of this expediency that the doc's actions didn't quite gel. He's obviously a man of some honor who sticks to commitments and gives a damn. It's irrelevant that he's revealed to be a scientist grunt and merely stuck to the plan. He still valued human life enough to continue working besides the fact he let them in knowing things were ultimately futile. Was this his god complex in allowing them one last night of fun before he destroyed them? Also, despite containment protocols, he still wasn't depicted as unhinged enough that he would assume the destiny of these survivors was entirely his call. He went from quiet and having some suspected internalized issues to suddenly he's all suicidal and taking the party with him. It just felt like this section started pulling in too many directions at once. When we finally get to Andrea's choice to stay behind it also seemed a little effed that Dale is positioned in such a way as to focus on her only. This set up, doomsday timing and their relationship be damned, just looks sloppy as Hell that Jaqui is there like a piece of meat and no acknowledgement. Despite this, I was still quite moved by Dale's comments and Jaqui's choice.

So, there you have it. Time to start watching the clock for next season. More episodes should hopefully give the new writers....oops! The writers who haven't been fired but aren't all there some stretching room with the new freelancers that didn't really get hired. I'm eager to see Michonne & Tyrese show up – two characters I sincerely hope they do not mess with – as well as the reappearance of Merle. Guess we'll see, right?

The Walking Dead: Review Episode 5, "Wildfire"

WILDTIRED

(Or, Pardon Me But I'm Feeeling A Little Bitchy)

By Dread Sockett

So here we are at the next to last episode of Season One of TWD. For this review I want to attempt a less is more attitude and knock this out in as few words as possible (quit laughing over there little ms. editor.) (Editor’s note: bwhahahahahaha.). Think of this attempt like the show itself, where 40+ minutes of actual viewing time needs to communicate an hour and a half of material. Now, I won't lie, this is kind of a test since I've heard that my reviews are far too long. Whatever. I'm feeling bitchy....so let's see what we come up with shall we?

The big news this week was that FRANK DARABONT has canned his writers. To that I say good. It's about time. The show’s writing has been on a swift landslide into mediocrity. Of course it's wonderful to have a weekly zombie show, but what good is it if it's filled with unlikable "survivors"  and a time frame that is woefully short to get around to the "they're really good people once we get to know them"? I say good riddance and good luck to DARABONT in this bold move. I certainly won't argue if it means some of this DAWSON'S CREEK shit gets ditched. Can it go either way? Of course. I'll take my chances.

Episode 5 (“Wildfire”) was probably my new favorite episode and finally, the characterization gets ramped up even more. In hindsight, we look at how poorly developed the characters have been that it almost works against itself now that there's some emotional moments going on. Many characters weren't all that likable to begin with so now FINALLY we have reason to care and we must force ourselves because that's what we're supposed to do. In the case of Andrea sitting with her sister for what? 12 hours? That was touching and all, but come on, that was beginning to get soapy; I mean I was starting to break out the wash cloth and lather up. I understand where they were trying to go, but it began to feel forced being so drawn out. It stopped being touching and became unhinged. It also did not help in the least that she pulls a gun on Rick (for a second time), which undermines the sentiment of the moment.  Andrea is fucking nuts, dead sister or not. Get that bitch some Ativan STAT next trip into town.

And just when I thought the group was getting some serious, convincing, personality time so that I didn't feel the need to paint them as a bunch of poor-desperate-white-collars-on-the-verge-of-nervous-breakdown, they go and have Jim's outing by Jaque just get out of control. I mean shit, instead of acting with compassion that one of her compatriots is mortally wounded and OBVIOUSLY (KEYWORD) not about to turn in a second, they have her go batshit crazy. Why'd they finally give her screen time and do that to her? I hate the bitch now. Then of course, she yo-yo's and becomes Florence Nightingale in the van. TOUCHING HIM AND SHIT. Remember folks, she had springs in her ass when he was clearly ambulatory and lucid, yet when he's obviously succumbing to infection she's right up against his face? She kisses him for fuck’s sake! THE HELL? Did I miss something in Zed 101? I guess she really was a government worker back in the day with them two-faced social skills (no offense to government workers who do actually have class). And I kinda liked her too.

THANK GAWD DALE IS STILL AROUND. The only person I truly like (read: that has fucking brains worth a shit in this group).

Rick's meltdown was good...though why did it take until now to show he had more than one emotion inside? Was he just too tired from chasing that wandering accent? Everyone else too, had a good show of emotions that I wish was apparent when the shows first started and we were getting to know them. I would've thought much better of the show and the actors than I have. I mean jeezuz, I've been more interested in Darryl and Merle all this time and that's a damn problem. But if yer gonna stick me with assholes then I'll at least stick with the ones with actual survival skills. OVERALL: A good solid episode that should have been the standard from the start.

Frank Darabont, work some magic with the new guys. When I saw you were willing to shoot the little girl zombie and take the horse down (despite riling all the PC bitches) I couldn't wait to see what you were gonna hit us with. What followed was a pale imitation of that fuck-it stance. Bring on Seasons 2's new writers. IT'S A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, START FUCKING SOME SHIT UP!

And I lied...I ran my mouth.

The Walking Dead: Review Episode 4, "Vatos"

LA DOLCE VATOS

By Dread Sockett

Since “predictable” is in the air these days, it won’t surprise you when I say I’ll (sorta) follow last week’s entry and drop dime with nerd rage first, then I’ll kiss and make it better. Cool?

Now that we’re starting to get into more serious character insight, I think it’s becoming evident that these episodes really need to be longer. Personally, I feel the short episode action is just not working and in fact I suspect it’s stifling the creators. There is just too much that needs to be communicated in the time allotted and it all ends up feeling rushed. It also bugs me because some of these shortcomings are going to eventually reflect poorly on KIRKMAN and his comics, which I honestly feel is almost tragic. AMC needs to hook this show up with more time, or slow the pace down, so the potential is reached. This also might relieve some of the cocked eyebrows the show is receiving because of these dense-ass characters and situations.

FIRST CASE IN POINT: I appreciated the intro sister chat between Amy and Andrea thinking “Yea, this is what I’ve been waiting for.” Here the characters can breathe and I can see there are people under these entitled and/or idiot facades. These semblances of attempted normalcy in this apocalyptic setting, while delivering insight into characters is sorely needed especially now that we’re two shows from the end of Season 1. I don’t care if they’re talking about fishing lures, just give me tidbits of their past/present and maybe I will understand and care, finally.

Then it occurred to me that well, this must mean one of them is gonna die. Not in the future, but NOW, this episode. There were just too many Hallmark reflections and tight camera angles happening all at once. It seemed to foreshadow one of their deaths per Hollywood Rules 101 (reflect on shared history and loss, then kill one leaving one left to carry the torch and there you have it: automatic character tragedy and sympathy). A classic cliché set-up. And BINGO!  We had a winner. The good thing at least, like Carl’s tent comments in episode 3, this sets Andrea on her 2.0 path comic readers will be familiar with (hopefully).

THANK BEELZEBUB that Andrea (Laurie Holden) pulled off the final scene with just the right emotion that this sorta trite setup was mostly forgiven. It really was touching. It’s these little moments I look forward to finding while wading through the quagmire that sometimes surrounds them.

A minor quibble: easing up on them micro-zooms would help let the scenes like this breathe a little. A contrast between Andrea dealing with the urgency of her sister’s death and the camp attack crisis surrounding her simultaneously would’ve taken this up another notch. As it was, I caught myself thinking of OASIS OF THE ZOMBIES’ almost aggressively, intimate zooms and really, that’s not a good thing when Laurie Holden is working her shiz. And that she did. Kudos to her.

HOODRAT CAREPROVIDIN’ - CASE IN POINT 2: Okay, havin’ a little...err... teeny bit of insight into this particular set up (hoodrats moonlighting as careproviders, not the whole zombie apocalypse or hostage trading) I really appreciated seeing this attempted. The thought counted, at least a little in my book. However, the execution of the concept was clumsy, like someone from the outside looking in and maybe even romanticizing what some crazy gun exchange would look like, but never having met a thug except through MTV’s Cribs. And yes, I do realize it was a front. This was a script issue, not a matter of whether a reformed custodian could pull off a smoke screen. Just cuz you’re a custodian doesn’t mean you’re oblivious to your environment, it is usually the opposite.

What stood out like a sore thumb, was our Junior homie in the wife beater who gets clocked by Darryl. Like the later gangbanger scenes, there was a mix between shit delivery and bad lines that made this feel a little tilted. It’s most notable because Darryl at this point is becoming damn near one of the best developed characters in the show and he makes the baby boy hoodrat’s deficiencies in script and acting stand out. The poor actor kid was no match to any of the guys in those scenes.

Which brings me to the “negotiation” scenes: So like I said, I was real cool with the end of the world homies as caregivers idea, as I can see people I know doing just that. But at the same time, none of their gangster asses shoulda broke code THAT QUICK (fakin’ the funk or not). Having a spokesperson who would seems also as unlikely, but maybe this is a down South thing the creators were doing. Grandma swoopin’ in doesn’t excuse things either. I mean shit, you go there and have this “new take” on “minorities” but then make them too stupid to barricade the doors effectively against the elderlies during a shake-down for guns?!

The selling of this scene relied first and foremost on credibility. Here, it fell flat, feeling like Hollywood Gangster 101 (lotta 101’s this episode). There was little tension and it felt rushed. I’ll give Kirkman some swing on this since some of what I thought was needed to sell this set up was more authentic aggressiveness in the script/lines, which in turn, theoretically, woulda allowed for less wonkyass delivery. I mean, damn, I never thought I’d say it, but more cussing would’ve improved the believability factor. But all the real-ness came through via the swagger display only (I mean geez guy, I was ready to slap wardrobe if I saw someone bust out with a DICKIES and STACY ADAMS combo with waxed, razor pleats). This just felt like the suits came in and did some ‘clean-up’. “We want that urban thing Kirkman, but it needs to play to middle America.”

THAT SAID: This is where I would’ve liked the episode opened up in length, with this idea and group explored a little more. It not only would’ve been a refreshing change, but there was an intriguing social dynamic at work here. They darn sure had it together more than Rick’s group.

QUIBBLES AND BITCH: Uhm... so let’s bag on Glenn for a sec. Now you’re buddies just tried to save your ass, while risking theirs, from what they thought was a near-death situation. You obviously have insight to what’s happening with your abductors to know the Homeland-terror-level-alert has dropped. The least you coulda done when they came into the joint was get off your ass and look like this meant something and start explaining. But noooooooooo... let’s not ask too much. Side-effects of WoW withdrawal are a very ugly thing folks.

CAMP: Jim’s meltdown was a moving scene. I’m glad to see his character finally having some depth after not knowing WTF he was about all this time. However, I still think the camp people are mostly idiots. Shane and the bunch showing up like a mob to someone who is obviously having a PTSD issue (even before the reveal) was a bit sloppy. Shane obviously missed the behavior mod classes at work. Dale, I like a lot and is clearly the most sensible of the bunch. His “Faulkner watch” speech wasn’t all that deep, yet actually kinda poignant, but our mall babies just missed it entirely. Are there brains in them heads to eat? Gonna be some hungry zombies.

ED: HAHA. AWESOME. And last but not least: the writers need to beef up Rick a bit. He’s kinda becoming the least interesting character. I think we’re skating on thin ice when Darryl becomes the more interesting of the two. T-dog seems to be coming around too and I kinda like the dude. His original rooftop intro wasn’t all that flattering. He’s feeling more like a real person now and not some cutout. And all hail the extras who get eaten. We’d have no cast and no reason to rewind to see who the Hell that was who got munched, cuz ya know ya never saw their butts before.

Speaking of munchies... Is zombie junk food fattening? I suspect I’m gonna be sporting a paunch when this season ends. There’s a lot of “stuff” in these ingredients, but dammit, I just can’t stop watching it.

The Walking Dead: Review Episode 3, Tell it to the Frogs

TELL IT TO THE SPARTANS...MARINES...FROG LEGS...FROGS

By Dread Sockett

Let's make a deal. We all like bargains, right? And this is an apocalypse so we should all be in wheeler-dealer mode. If I (with fingers crossed behind my back) promise to (try to) be (sorta) nice(ish) this episode, will you let me talk shit....offer constructive criticism? Would it sweeten the deal if I said this was probably (rough edges and all) my favorite (all points considered) episode (despite feeling like an apocalyptic GENERAL HOSPITAL) so far? FAIR? Good, let's get bizzay:

So the bad: Why, oh why, didn't they just combine the first three episodes? Or even broadcast "TELL IT TO THE FROGS" with "GUTS" ("Tell It To The Frog Guts?") as one segment? It would have made the changes feel less arbitrary and maybe even more agreeable. I sure would've had some different opinions. The closing shot in Episode 3 clearly shows they could've done this and left us with a real cliffhanger. Instead, by appearances, they just took a hatchet to the middle of Episode 2, irrespective of original story integrity, and then tacked on yet another product endorsement....err, cheesy ending. I mean damn, this is poised to become the feel-good apocalypse if they don't watch that shit.

Let's just look at it from a story presentation and this viewer's perspective:

In "GUTS," we had virtually no reason to assume any of the characters had any redeeming qualities or a reason to care about them other than the fact that they were in a zombie apocalypse. Well, except Rick, who's looking for his family, but we know more about Morgan and son than him at this point, so he's still getting sympathy on credit cuz he sure ain't sayin' much. And how much quiet brooding and inner turmoil do we allow before we just admit Rick is kinda dense? Well intentioned, but not the brightest bulb. I mean, we're already suspending disbelief that he basically walked away from a coma, without dying from dehydration, residual effects, or zombies. I'm runnin' outta suspenders for my pair of disbeliefs, mmmkay. 

And let's be clear – when I say we had no reason to believe squat, this translates to we had no reason to bother watching further episodes that involved this mostly thick-headed, bitchy, entitled sounding group of people – at least as the mostly smart entertainment that readers came to expect from the books. As cheap, zombie junk food it's stellar-seriously, but is that what they're gonna settle for? It's like that BF/GF you dated who's really cute...as long as you looked at them in profile. Unlike the books, we have before us a group that acts like all their socialization skills came exclusively from their Facebook and Twitter accounts. And with no internet you know that shit was doomed from the get-go so why bother? Leaving us hanging with a group of irritating people is not a cliffhanger, it's just irritating. But thank gawd for redemption in Episode 3. Merle's rooftop cliffhanger was a genuinely intriguing close that made you wanna know WTF happened next??? The two episodes should never have been split. That's my nerd-rage this post and I'm sticking to it. Now the good.

THE WEIRD EPIPHANY: You gotta admit, Merle's opening scene was some powerful shiznit. However, isn't there something a little off when we finally get some new character development that makes us pay attention, and dare I say maybe even care, and it's in the form of the villainous, racist dude we're supposed to hate? Like we go from cardboard bad guy to the deepest guy in the show. So now he’s like cardboard with glitter on top. Merle's meltdown was, as far as this show is concerned, amazing. He went from completely losing his shit with the zombies about to snack on him to flip-mode and deciding to go out swingin'.

I felt like I got to know Merle more than anyone else in this show and all before the opening credits even hit. That was some pretty deep stuff. The only other characters that displayed this believable, nuanced and tragic quality were Morgan & Duane. I really kind of felt bad for Merle up there, in that okay, the dude's a scumbag, but he doesn't deserve to go out like that. At least let his ass go down fighting. I'll give this one to the creators (Michael Rooker’s performance goes without saying) for mind effin' me this way, makin' me feel kinda guilty for givin' a damn about Merle. Ya bastards. Now where was this quality of storytelling before? The later camp scenes are certainly revealing and a most welcome progression but Rooker stole the show.

DEVELOPMENTS I LOVE LONG TIME: I was really enjoying the chance to finally get some insight into these people. Thankfully they redeemed Lori a bit with her quarry-side revelation with Shane. THAT was interesting. I’m also gonna wait for more info as to why she knocked boots so quick with her husband’s best friend – dead or not (sorry folks, say whatcha want, but that’s just creepy even after the reveal). I'm also on the fence about her character in general after being a snit to Rick when the group is arguing about fetching Merle and she basically volunteers him; then has the nerve to bitch about it when he jumps on the chance to go back.

Ed gettin' his butt tossed like yesterday's newspaper was immensely gratifying. Seeing Carol run back to him after was also interesting since it showed the creators were gonna tackle some interesting, possibly complex, abuse issues. If it's handled carefully, all of that could provide some compelling viewing that goes beyond these already tired cat-fights. Shane also proved to be a little more layered than I previously thought. Not that this says much, but he has a bit more depth this go around and seeing how this whole triad works out is gonna be some serious talk show shiz for sure.

The one “reveal”I found most interesting was the most subtle – Lori and Carl's conversation after Rick left for Merle. It was just a few words from Carl reassuring Lori that spoke volumes about where his character was headed so it was cool to see the writers jump on shaping him into the little man he becomes. Dale was also handled well, and is obviously set to be at least one of, if not the voice of reason in their crackass camp.

And am I the only one who thinks Merle and his brother are hardwired to survive this zombie crisis better than anyone else here? I mean damn, the bro took down a deer and came back to camp with a string of squirrels and Shane's best idea was rounding up frog legs with the son of your best friend, whose wife you were previously banging until he recovered and showed up out the blue from that coma you lied yer ass off about to get some tang. I'll place my bets with the roadkill and backstraps guy until further notice. Now, I said I was gonna be nice so you can decide what the Hell women doing all the laundry is all about. Though if they start handing out hot coffee to the menziz during a zombie bum rush, I'm outta here. All we'll need next is for a gay survivor to show up and get assigned to sprucing up the camp. Just sayin' ya'll, not hatin'.

So now, we're at least getting somewhere. Characters still remind me of doorknobs at times, but this episode gives me hope that we've got some workable, even complex story developments stepping off. Hopefully, all this drama we're seeing is explored intelligently and not for sake of cheap thrills. Onto episode 4….

The Walking Dead: Review of Episode 2, "Guts"

WELCOME TO THE PARIS HILTON SCHOOL OF SURVIVAL

By Dread Sockett

Did none of these survivors have any home training before this apocalypse? Have none of the writers or anyone involved with getting this to screen ever spend time on the streets? This episode just kicks your ass unmercifully right into this group of highly unlikable, smack-talking "survivors" and expects you to automatically feel for them. Tell you what, the only feeling I had was to slap all of their asses.

My first impression here was wow...none of these people have ever depended on other people for their survival. I just had a real hard time believing this shit, zombie apocalypse or not. No, I've never been in an apocalypse, but I sure know the other and damn, if you might need someone for your survival, you might try not being an asshole from the second you meet them. It was like only overworked cube farm prisoners survived and they've run out of espresso.

Did none of these people notice this guy has a cop uniform on? Had society broken down that quickly that you would go all Paris Hilton then put a gun in a cop’s face without batting an eyelash? Obviously, he could have scored it along the way and really been a serial killer, but you know, there's how many of you and one of him? Yeah, within the first few minutes I think this group of "survivors" set me off bigtime. So the dude supposedly brought the zombies to their group, considering those among them, I don't think there woulda been much of a loss there.

And wait, wasn't it Glenn who told Rick anyway to make his 15 bullets count before he even left the tank? I sure didn't hear Glenn rush to have Rick's back on that. Yea, you can talk shit over a broadcast ("Hey dumbass.."), but when you're faced with being accountable amongst your new peers (even an "I told him too and forgot about the zombies" might have helped)…

Course, it all makes perfect sense if you think about it, these are the same dipshits who collectively allowed Merle Dixon to stay with them. They're all fine sticking a gun in a potential cop's face and threaten to KILL him but they ALL stand around and do absolutely nothing when the power-hungry, racist dude beats the shit out of one of their Black homies. I went from only having a cursory liking of Rick to being 100% on his side within the first coupla minutes of this episode's opening. This wasn't exactly how I'd hoped to “feel” for this character.

I'll try... try to not lose it on this new character thing that not only veers like a drunk driver from the comics (reel it in guys, you're getting way too Hollywood now), but these tired conflicts – Merle & T-Dog??? The only saving grace to this setup is Michael Rooker (Merle) is a badass, but even he can't elevate this forced-rooftop crisis. It's like someone at the top said, “We need to do some of that, you know, zombie social commentary stuff. Let's be groundbreaking and do something with race, yea, that's deep. Better yet, let's have deliberately diverse survivors and have the racist guy spit out a bunch of racial slurs so everyone knows he's hardcore and that they're supposed to hate him.” Social commentary in zombie films is about the subtext, not spoon feeding.

Now…um…Shane and Lori's…moment. What. The. Hell. I'm trying to reserve judgment on this horrendous detour from the comics until after episode three and I see what they plan on doing with this relationship's noticeably modified set-up. As I've said, I'm cool with changes, but in this case was it really all that necessary to take Lori and her “off-screen” regrettable thing with Shane in the comics and have her straight up banging the dude TV-style as the show's first scene??? Shouldn't we have gotten a chance to see her get to that point, or past that point, with some insight regarding her coping with Rick's death? Should we assume this is how she's dealing with it? Instead the woman is dropped onto the floor of a potentially zombiefied forest gettin' her smooth jazz groove on. This was just sloppy soap opera drama. Damn, I said I wasn't gonna go here, huh? Oops.

I'll be nice and close this with joyous fanboy shouts to the FX. I LOVE THE ZOMBIES here. I have been really amazed with Greg Nicotero's work. Now if we could get the show to have the same consistent excellence that the makeup has, we'd have a bitchin' show. Think of it this way: if the makeup were as uneven as this second episode, you’d see rubber masks every other scene and good prosthetics in-between.

As it is, I'm still eager to see what the next episode's director does and how some of these crackass new ideas pan out. Here's to hoping they work better than this little mess. There really needs to be some hotshit resolution to some of these changes to make some of this pay off, but demanding fanboy that I am, I'm willing to sit it through. Guess we have next episode to see....

The Walking Dead: Review of Episode 1, Days Gone Bye

HERE ARE SOME ASSHOLES, NOW GIVE A DAMN!

By Dread Sockett

I was cautiously optimistic when I heard that there was going to be an adaption of Robert Kirkman's famed comic series, The Walking Dead. As with any adaptation, one needs to hold expectations in check and deal with the fact that some things will be changed (plus, who doesn't like a little floss in their sauce to spice up the same ol' same ol? Go on, admit it, Fanboy, a little variation ain’t hurtin’ nobody and it keeps things interesting.). I was fine with some changes as long as the tone that made the comic book popular in the first place was retained. Unfortunately, the TV version delivered a couple of head scratchers. Even if I could guess why the show's creators switched things up, and to be fair it is the same set of writers, I’m still left wondering why the comic's method of doing the same thing wasn't adequate.

Putting comparisons to the original comic to the side, I did enjoy THE WALKING DEAD as zombie comfort food and look forward to seeing how the series develops. Above all else, as any zombie film masochist can tell you, it's damn good to see a TV show with actual scary zombies. Hell, if I can enjoy revisiting THE FLESH EATER or ZOMBIE OASIS for shits and giggles, I'd be an idiot to not find a serious attempt at zombiegeddon worth my time. So please do keep that in mind as these reviews progress over time. I’m admittedly a little harsh on the first two episodes. Thanks to FRANK DARABONT for giving the Zed genre a shot in the arm. Hopefully he is able to keep the genre alive and spare us from sexy teen zombies who fight crime for a while.

Overall, the biggest, most wonkiest switch/development that I'm still grappling with is WHAT A BUNCH OF ASSHOLE CHARACTERS. Now, before someone says the survivors here are acting like “real” people would during a zombie crisis, all bitchy, squabbling, freaked out, etc., I do hafta enact the comic book comparison clause. If you've read the comics, you know that sure, there are good and bad characters in them. And yes, there's that whole stressful zombie apocalypse thing going on. However, we move along in the journey with the characters and watch them become or show themselves to be unlikable or questionable. The characters are given a chance to develop and readers are given a chance to develop opinions and deal with gray area moments. As readers, we are given a chance to at least understand the character's actions and why they are being jerks. You at least know why you can't wait for someone to get their ass eaten. On the TV series it is zero to asshole in less than 60 seconds.

 I appreciate the show's attempt to keep it real, but even a slight build-up could've helped and at least I wouldn't be wishing they all got eaten in five minutes so that we could just start with a fresh group. Lord (Satan) knows, I woulda packed my last MRE and got the Hell outta Dodge rather than rely on these wankers to have my back. Some of what I saw in the second episode felt like we were really watching the fifth episode and that I missed everything before it. We are merely dropped into asshole city and I don't mean Atlanta's zombie population. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

EPISODE 1: DAYS GONE BYE

Let's start with the introduction to the characters of Deputies Rick and Shane. Sweet jeezuz, if they wanted to paint Shane as an unlikable, woman-hating asshole, they did a good job. So good that now Rick is guilty by ASSociation (see what I did there? We’re clever like that here at RM.), especially when he doesn't bother to lift an eyebrow at some of Shane's ridiculous women-as-doorknobs monologue. Serve and protect, indeed. This is partly, I suspect, due to Rick being lost inside himself, trying to gain control of his wandering Southern accent (this condition manifests again when he awakens in the hospital and goes from varying country boy twangs and crescendos to when he bursts through his family's front door screaming in perfectly enunciated English). Just sayin’.

< tangent> It’s interesting that the comics’ opening in the hospital was pushed further into the episode, presumably to steer away the inevitable (and misinformed) nerd comparisons to 28 Days Later. Instead the show opens with the good ol’ boys car chat. That harkens to a just as similar zed story opening, Joe McKinney’s DEAD CITY. You just can’t win in a zombie apocalypse. They shoulda left well enough alone.

 We proceed from their squad car coffee klatch to what feels like a COPS-styled chase segment (the officers even joke about it). I suspect it meant as a bone to those who might not be able to withstand the episode's understated remainder. Did the producers think the original comic fans were too marginal an audience that they had to have immediate action to make this mainstream? I felt this whole segment was rather unnecessary and as my co-editor said, it also felt as if the producers didn't have enough faith in the source material's own opening, that devotes a mere page to this cops and robbers nonsense, and proceeds to focus on Rick's hospital wake-up.

So now, before we really get started we have two main characters that must now prove themselves to be likable or at least tolerable (read: worthy of us giving a damn). Suddenly one is shot and put into a coma, but now because of the wonderful character studies beforehand, we need to try to give a shit that he's in this situation. Normally simply coming out of a coma would’ve granted him a free pass. The comic certainly wins here, because its sequencing allows the reader to journey WITH Rick and discover the deep shit he and the world faces. Who he is or was at that point is not particularly relevant because he's enough of a blank slate that we could all identify with him in some way. Unlike his TV counterpart, we don't have any preconceived notion of his character. And when the comic Rick awakens, we are right there along with him as he is forced to define himself in this new world and this sets up our investment as readers. His TV counterpart has a slight tarnish from the start for being at the very least an enabler to a misogynist. In a story where you are expected to care about a character's plight, all of this doesn't exactly win sympathy votes, gunshot or not.

It took a second viewing for me to really settle into the episode's rhythm, which initially felt choppy from my attempts to process all the changes. I did come to appreciate the use of quiet and stillness as a means to further depict Rick's isolation, all while walking right down the middle of main street USA in broad daylight. This was a pretty risky move on Darabont's part after beating viewer's over the head with the opening chase sequence. It's especially interesting because this contrast works well and while disliking the chase's inclusion, I can see the justification as a set up for this powerful, silent, lonely walk home.

Just as the focus on Rick was wearing thin (in that 'OK, we get it...he's fucked up and buggin’ at all this, can we move along cuz even the camera angles are becoming cliché’ kinda way), thank the great zombie gods we were blessed with the appearance of Morgan and Duane – not only for the show’s exposition, but for some other people-people. Unfortunately, like the majority of the show's cast thus far we are kicked in the pants with the initial appearance of this traumatized father and son duo. Understandably, the pair is FUBAR thanks to the Zed crisis, but their characters are introduced a little too aggressively and we as viewers still aren't even sure WTF is happening. Rick may look a little toasted, but he ain't exactly zombie-looking, yet BAM! He’s clocked with the shovel and next thing we know Rick is tied to the rack in some bedroom (Ooph! Sounds kinda hawt, now all we needed is Michelle Pfeiffer in her CATWOMAN outfit). These beat-you-over-the-head introductions (err, no pun intended, really) are made more glaring when you look back at the scenes of Rick's journey home and how effective those are without doing a damn thing but showing him walking around. This borderline character lunacy from the get go just stoops to those in the back row who might not be paying attention and isn't necessary to convey the desperation. Even the comic's shovel scene doesn't come off half as batshit crazy, yet manages to convey the duo's desperation and suspicion of Rick. Darabont plays subtlety well, I just wished he did a little more of it here and not played to those who need their crisis front and center.

Damn, and I said I did like this show so far, right?

So do you want to hear what sold this show to me as worth giving a chance? It was the portrayals of Morgan and Duane (Lennie James and Adrian Kali Turner) after the shovel mayhem wore down. Until his appearance, even Rick, our hero, did not display the emotional range or even the humanity that James' character does. This of course is not Andrew Lincoln's (Rick) entire fault, but the producer's who chose action over substance then relied on the walk to invest us in the character. Here Morgan gives the show a dose of tenderness, sense of loss, and everything else that Rick should’ve been carrying on his shoulders from the start.  Morgan’s initial ferocity towards Rick, however pushed, is still palpable, and makes the scope and feel of the crisis really take shape for a viewer. His relationship chemistry with Adrian Kali Turner was believable and it also helped that Turner's performance felt convincing. He wasn't the usual smarmy kid we see in end-of-the-world stories. He comes off as a genuinely scared little kid making his way with his dad and trying to rise to the occasion.

I bought their performances and if the show as a whole can give me at least one of these characters to give a shit about each episode, I'm in. This is where the show feels like its source (comic readers will know exactly what I mean). I was waiting for someone to give a damn about and surprisingly, it wasn't Rick, but Morgan and Duane. Hopefully, Rick can grow similarly into a character that we can feel for (rather than being told we should care for him).

That said, the final few minutes are where the show just lost control and will lose fanboys like myself. So Rick finally gets into Atlanta on horseback. Hell, there’s even an iconic scene of him arriving on the freeway overlooking the city that just says some serious shit is about to go down. And it does….. more or less. In the concluding moments of the episode Rick finds himself trapped, the show has finally gotten us to give a damn. Like really fear for his safety. I loved how this was setup. No way out, Zeds for days, and everything a zombie fan would want is delivered. The tension mounts as option after option proves futile. Then, the radio breaks into the moment with a stupid “hey dumbass” transmission and (choke*gag) some beats start bumpin, telling us the show is fixin’ to do some you know, cool shit like pan out from the tank and sell some CDs.

It wasn’t enough to ruin a perfectly timed sequence and the show’s most intense moment with some snarky comment, no… the camera then pulls back to reveal the scope of Rick’s plight and instead of cashing in on this, the producers determine that they should continue some wonky pop-shit music track to accompany this. It just ruined the whole tension that was built when Rick was trying to save his skin. You almost expect one of the zombies to come cruising through on a Moped winking at the camera. Welcome to the YouTube apocalypse, ya’ll.