Review: Nazis at the Center of the Earth (DVD)

By DeadVida

As a group, the Rigor Mortis staff can bicker and geek-slam like maniacal kittens fighting over a cricket in the house. Dread rolls his eyes until we fear seizure, Spinal Cord raises her razorblade-like eyebrow, and Colin clears his throat with enraged dignity. But a magical thing happened – we agreed on something, and that something is Nazis at the Center of the Earth. It spread among us like a virus and we all agreed this was an amazing moment in cinema.

Personally, I went into it thinking, “This sounds ridiculous and Jake Busey is in it, hit play!”

Jake Busey is Dr. Adrian Reistad and that right there tells you that suspension of disbelief isn’t all that important to the filmmakers. The film opens with nubile young scientists encountering foul play and going missing at a base in Antarctica. A search party is formed in accordance with Horror Movie Plot Convention #367.

I feel the need to point out that if you can’t pretend to be cold while you are in “Antarctica,” you should probably consider another career. A five dollar hooker can fake it better. Then again, maybe all that hot, young blood keeps them warm.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a horror movie in possession of a good gimmick, must be in want of a plot. However, this movie has a gimmick that really makes the need for a plot irrelevant. Another universal truth is that Nazis look awesome in snow. These aren’t Nazi zombies, but they would totally go out for a beer with the guys from Dead Snow.

And so, our heroes victims find themselves in a secret underground base, complete with an entirely different climate – all the better for the actors who can’t be bothered to pretend to be cold.

There is expected and unexpected gore and requisite evil Nazi scientist. The film’s genius becomes apparent once the decaying/regenerating Nazis arrive, lead by Dr. Josef Mengele, and the WTF moments build into a crescendo that takes suspension of disbelief by the throat and leaves it for dead. I forgot Jake Busey was even in the movie. That’s right, the what-the-fuckary was so great that a Busey was cast into shadow.

Beyond that are spoilers and I’m not going to ruin the fun for anyone - for a change the title actually under-promises and over-delivers.

Rent it today. If you live in Chicago rent it from Brainstorm Comics and tell them Colin Cthulhu sent you.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2130142/

Review: FUKITOR & SATANIC TERROR (by Dread Sockett)

FUKITOR & SATANIC TERROR
By Jason Karns
Website with galleries of art on display: fukitor.blogspot.com
fukitor@gmail.com

    Jason Karns’ FUKITOR and SATANIC TERROR take me back to the days when I gathered my lunch money and hoofed it downtown to this one bookstore that was crammed with every damned type of periodical imaginable. Stuff was haphazardly arranged and shoppers could find something from five years prior sitting on the shelf next to something stocked that day. You never knew what was buried underneath the piles. Comix-wise, I got my introduction to undergrounds during one of these treasure hunts. While my friends were yacking about SPIDER-MAN, I’d suck the air out of conversations when I’d mention (even then old) titles like FANTAGOR or FAT FREDDY’s CAT.
 

    Fast-forward a few years…I had hoped with the whole indie/zine thing I’d be just as awed by the crazyass worlds only small press-type books could deliver. Those individual slices of creativity, unfettered by profit, that you could turn to remind you there was someone out there who was still willing to think outside the box. Unfortunately, I came into zines (from fanzines – and yes, there is a difference) during the big autobio comics period where everything was about someone’s trip to the grocery store or their ruminations at the coffeemaker. Yawn.

    There is none of that shit here. THANK. FUCKING. GAWD. Take a look at the titles and if you can’t get past them, then leave now. Like an insect with bright warning markers on display, if you tread past the titles and get stung, you have no one to blame but yourself!

    So believe it or not, I have actually wondered, in one of my more... uhm.. “creative” mindsets, what would happen if someone threw Fellini, Burton, (old) Waters, some Euro-trash-exploitation-sleaze, a generous amount of Horror and straight-up porn into a blender…and goddammit if Jason Karns didn’t do just that!

    In FUKITOR #3, the “SICK FUCKS AND SLASHERS” issue, we have “TOMB OF THE SICK FUCKS,” where greedy treasure hunters get more than they bargained for when the dead rise and do more than get their revenge. Guts get chewed, heads shorn off, and blood sprays everywhere while they get their maggot-spewing grooves on. In “SUBURBAN SLASHER MASSACRE,” an escaped mental patient goes on a rampage at a sorority as the girls scream, “Like, oh my fucking god!”

    In FUKITOR #1, the two-part “POSEUR HOLOCAUST” blasts metalheads and Goths and in “DUNGEON OF BLOODY DEATH” a couple gets captured by undead monks who bring back the Inquisition, and what a show it is indeed.

    SATANIC TERROR #1 is my favorite issue, next to Fukitor #3. I mean, damn, how can you not love something titled “THE THING WITH TOO MANY DAMN EYES”?? It doesn’t even matter that those eyes are each attached to toothy penis-like tentacle things that attack people and do “other things” to them after stupid scientists open a portal. In “BLOODY BUTCHERS OF THE DAMNED” watch NAZI ZOMBIES rise and wreak more bloody havoc on some party kids.

    ARTWISE: Karns has his stuff nailed. If we were talking some action/drama stories I’d want to see much more refinement and better composition. Here, he illustrates everything perfectly; I wouldn’t want to see anything different. His production is tight, with color covers and interiors(!), something I’d usually be all over (especially being so rare in small press), but here, I’d LOVE to see his compositions in B&W just to view his line work. Karns’ work is chaotic and hyper-detailed, with his characters’ expressions reflecting just the right look to add whoompf! to punchlines. The bumped-up production values actually work against his art’s presentation at times by obscuring details. That’s my one bone to pick.

    As I re-read this, I kept imagining Karns’ at his drawing board chuckling his ass off and channeling a wink into his pages because he’s clearly having fun with his comix and readers. I would definitely recommend Karns’ work to lovers of REALLY offbeat fuck-you comix that don’t give a damn. They’re offensive, definitely NSFW, but clearly aware of themselves so that you can’t help but chuckle along with the surreal, absurdist world they plunge you into. Once you’ve read one, you quickly realize that the Underground is indeed still alive and well – you were just too distracted by all the other poseurs and their tales of coffeemaking.

Review: Roger Corman's Cult Classics

ROGER CORMAN TRIPLE FEATURE: ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS, NOT OF THIS EARTH, and WAR OF THE SATELLITES (DVD)

Review by Dread Sockett  

 

Release Date: 1/18/2011

Shoutfactory.com

Those of you eagerly awaiting the end of times, please rejoice. The release of these films on DVD surely must mean we've come to the end of all things. Why else would the rights holders wait this frakking long to put these damned things out?

I mean geez, we're already into a new video format so this is almost like putting stuff out on VHS. Of course, let me be first to admit, if they did put these out on VHS, well, ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS at least, I'd be hustling my silly butt down to the local thrift store to look for some old machine on which to play the stupid thing. Life is like that for the hardcore fanboy. Talk shit... collect shit while acting indignant and shit... talk more shit after getting shit... make popcorn... eat that shit... sit yer ass down and watch this shit... then write some crazy-assed shit.

It's a very simple life.

So here we have SHOUT FACTORY's awesome Oldschool release of not one but three hard-to-find films: ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS (1957), NOT OF THIS EARTH (1958) and WAR OF THE SATELLITES (1958). It's a crackass combo, but after crap bootlegs, this is like the SCI-FI boxsets that came out a few years ago. You just say thank the nerd gods and shut up. The main reason for many to pick this up is AOTCM followed closely by NOTE. I suppose the truly hardcore would put WOTS above these. If there is such a person I'd like to meet him/her though because s/he is an even bigger masochist than myself and bitches like us need to know our peers.

ATTACK: I almost had an aneurysm when I found out that not only does SHOUT present the film in Anamorphic widescreen, but there's even a fun commentary track to boot (and I'm not usually one who usually gives a damn about commentaries). I watched this fabulously awesome mess of a film twice in a row to soak in all aspects of its radioactive juices. The commentary features TOM WEAVER and the BRUNAS brothers (all authors of books that matter on old horror for those who can afford them suckers) and is full of probably more information than this film deserves.

Honestly, it's packed with so much insight you'd think they were discussing BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN (read: they don't talk shit about the material but are quite aware that they aren't talking about a film like BOF at the same time. It’s a fine line to walk). This type of commentary was what I expected when I sat down to watch THE GIANT BEHEMOTH's DVD and was horrified at the disrespect that FX maestros PHIL TIPPETT and DENNIS MUREN displayed, but I digress. ATTACK's presentation was truly perfect in all regards. The print is beautiful. I'd waited for this for years and can now ditch that awful full-screen ALLIED bootleg I've had all this time. As a side note, I never bothered to check all these years since many of this film's contemporaries were full screen, but for some reason I had no idea this was widescreen – and I call myself a fan of AOTCM. I'd watched the bootleg, assuming that was how it always looked. This should tell you why I was (nearly-ish) as nuts about this coming out as say, when the Japanese language version of GOJIRA/GODZILLA was released stateside.

ATTACK concerns scientists who come to a Pacific atoll in search of some missing colleagues. The atoll and its inhabitants were affected by nearby atomic testing. The atmosphere of surrealism sells this pic, even with its obvious shortcomings. It's all clearly cheap, but the atmosphere pervades and viewers need to just settle into the movie's crackass logic and roll with it. From the minute their boat lands and Corman gives us a half-baked money shot (one of the telepathic mutant crabs has a partial reveal as it decapitates someone), you know this isn't quite like the rest of the 50's flicks. No, you're not going to be watching the likes of DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL or even THEM! but you are miles above the Syfy-esque equivalents of the day like SHE DEMONS and MONSTER FROM GREEN HELL. This is quality 50's schlock and believe me there is a difference for those of our younger Peeps who think all B/W films look alike.

So after the scientists get settled, they all start getting picked off one by one. It becomes apparent the mutant crab monsters (who really don't do all that much attacking) assimilate the minds of their victims. This in turn leads to some interesting telepathic exchanges where they communicate with the remaining scientists through everything but the kitchen sink (really, I'm not kidding). Eventually, the usual showdown happens and we get to see the monsters in all their glory. The crabs are big and who knows how they went from normal crabs to the giant Japanese monster look. They even have "faces" which reminds me of THE BLACK SCORPION monsters' close-ups.

NOT OF THIS EARTH was a pleasant surprise since I don't recall seeing this as a kid. I'd heard about it, but it's always been a pain to track down even as a bootleg. The pleasantness was compounded, after my usual cursory scan of the disc to see what I was getting into, which suggested a rather boring movie made up of some guy walking around in a dark suit and sunglasses with buggy white eyeballs. I couldn't have been more wrong and now am awaiting a chance to check out the commentary that's attached.

BEVERLY GARLAND stars here as nurse Nadine and for those who need the name-drop explained, she was truly one of the first ass-kicking women in Horror/Sci-fi. While her peeps were shoving their knuckles into their mouths and stuck making coffee, Bev was refining the art of being a bitch in heels. Okay, maybe a little knuckle shoving but it was done with some BETTE DAVIS bitchiness™. I LOVE BEVERLY GARLAND. Of course, it was odd that here she kinda worked my nerves for being kinda too independent when she clearly needed to STFU and listen to her cop boyfriend... but naaaaaaaaw. It was obvious though that in this role she was meant to be a little less spirited and more of a sensitive character compared to her other roles (like say her bitchy self in IT CONQUERED THE WORLD) so all is forgiven.

PAUL BIRCH stars as Paul Johnson, an alien agent who has come to earth in search for blood to help save his dying planet, Davana. Birch's alien speaks in this cold, stiff manner that at first is a little jarring, but is perfect for his alien. He really does sell the role of an alien being who's trying to fit into earth's society with all of the expected awkward deliveries and lacking emotion, not to mention a near total unawareness of stuff like parking laws and other customs like not killing people and tossing their remains into your furnace. Birch, for our apocalypse fans, also starred in CORMAN's DAY THE WORLD ENDED.

Johnson gets Nadine to become his personal nurse at his home so that she can give him blood transfusions. This keeps Johnson alive so that he can continue with his mission of sending specimens back to his superiors in Davana. Nadine meets Johnson's chauffeur Jeremy, who's a hustler who unknowingly gets charged with bringing back victims for Johnson. Mixed into this is Nadine's cop BF and her doc employer who's researching Johnson's blood condition while under his telepathic control. Throughout NOTE we get rabies injections, funky dimensional travel machines, mind control, lotsa deaths, and of a little bit of tolerable cheese to top it off.

NOTE could easily play with the likes of IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE and INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS.

WAR OF THE SATELLITES: For this reviewer, the less said about this little gem the better, though being featured with NOTE only underscores what a good film NOTES is and gives the uninitiated viewer of older Sci-Fi a good idea of what a bad 50's film looks like versus one that actually has some merits. In WOTS, the denizens of the galaxy don't like that us humans are starting to venture into space so they basically forbid us from space travel. Of course, what do we do? We travel into space first chance we get in our massive rocket ships outfitted with reclining lounge chairs which in turn doesn't make our body invading galaxy neighbors too happy (the travel, not lounge chairs). YAWN.

FEATURES: A pretty good Corman salute is included which contains some mostly enjoyable remembrances from those who went through the Corman school of film making. It does get a little smoochey-tedious after a bit, but good nonetheless. TRAILERS: I never thought trailers counted as a “feature” but whatever. The last time I got even remotely interested in trailers on a disc was when I think SIMITAR had a bunch of GODZILLA ones collected. Here, 25 CORMAN trailers surely will appeal to someone- Hell, I might even sit through them at some point. The commentaries are the features to zero in on though. I still haven't heard NOTE's but if AOTCM is an indication, it too will be an excellent listen.

FINIS: All in all, this is a kickass set of some sorely missing movies. SHOUT has kicked ass with their MST3K sets (despite being priced like some damned gold bricks... I'm still saving lunch money for my GYPSY figure before THAT goes outta print, mmmkay! Sheesh guys, GYPSY better vibrate and make me breakfast when all is done) (oops... nuther digresion). With this release, I am a bonofide fan of this company. This set was obviously put together by folks who knew what they had and gave a damn and it totally shows. This was like a CRITERION release of for us B-movie fans. Really. Usually I don't steer this far from Horror reviews, I mean this IS SCI-FI period, but this release just made me hafta do the fanboy dirty boogie babble.

The Walking Dead: Review Episode 6, "TS-19"

 

TS-19

(Or: Unexpected Houseguests From Hell And How To Deal With Them) 

By Dread Sockett

INGREDIENTS NEEDED:

Liquor

Explody-type stuff

Awkward social skills

So in my really short, less-is-more review (bwahahaha) of THE WALKING DEAD Episode 5 (Wildfire), I took the news of Frank Darabont shite-canning his writers and ran with it like a Crackhead with a stolen TV set. Well, since then there has been a flurry of updates (read: cut and pasted links and paraphrases from primarily two sources) that in essence say: “No, Darabont didn't can his writers, not really...errr... sort of... and stuff... ooh look a butterfly!”.  Kirkman and Hurd made statements to downplay these erroneous reports saying that there's no big egos in little China and there's no writers being fired ... well, not as us little people understand "fired", just re-purposed in Illuminati-type ways only industry insiders are privy too and even though no writers got canned they still aren't sure how the writing thing is working next season, but still, chill bitches, chill.

WHEW! Glad we got that cleared up.

FINALE REVIEW, FINALLY: This is it. Countdown begins to next season. The good thing is, when that surfaces this show will finally get some darn breathing room. I'm going to assume these rushed stories and crackass, crowbarred script issues will be a thing of the past or downplayed to a noticeable degree. Consistency would be nice. I know you, dear reader, wonder how these reviews can be so negative yet I still look forward to Season 2. This is why: there's still so much to explore and work with and most importantly, improve on, but this show needs more time to do it. Hell, maybe they might even remember there was once a comic at the root of this TV series. When TWD first began, in all fairness, no one knew how well-received it would be. Well, now that it's a success, there's no need to jam everything, but the kitchen sink into 6 episodes.

This season had some really good points, but they were overshadowed by unevenness and terrible character developments (i.e.: getting insight into people pretty much as they die is just plain bad). And except for elements of the VATOS episode, I never had the same issue with the acting as some other reviewers. In fact, they all did pretty well, all points considered. I mean damn, I really believe Andrea is a psycho bitch that needs some serious medication. Jim & Jacki's actors sold their characters to me but then of course, got killed off leaving me more irritated at the writers for short-changing them than sad to see them go. Everyone else appears to be working with what they've got rather than under-performing. If we're lucky, and TWD's potential is really exploited, much of Season 1 will be nothing but a special feature on Season 2's boxset. Well, save for the pilot, which could almost stand on its own. Here’s hoping these last 6 weeks have just been warm up.

THE BAD: I understand that we've gotten little-to-no cozy time with Jaqui, but I mean really, expendable character or not, I had to clutch my pearls on this one. The writers had the Grrl switch gears and decide to get incinerated. For those needing the memo: they had her butt choose to burn to death. BURN. TO. DEATH. Don't talk to me about the world that awaits, how quick, blah blah blah. No warning, suddenly crispy character. Re-read them caps and tell me you'd pick that. Damn.

I would've bought this a little better if the story didn't go from cocktail party to Kamikaze in 60 seconds. Again, this is what I am talking about with the rushed feeling and sloppy writing. It would have taken a minimal changes to make this almost believable. The only change needed to make this work would have been the implied passage of time. I mean really, they show up JUST as the building is about to blow up??? Let the survivors feel safe for a few weeks. Food in their bellies, showers, sleep, and let the PTSD have a chance to take root. Let the doc get to know these people, care for them, and let the weight of his knowledge about the building's imminent kaboom grow into a beneficent messiah complex. Have him kill them out of mercy, not this wishy-washy version of it.

Of course most characters are going to react with a fight to the death survival instinct when someone is trying to make the choice for them.That's where it changes the game for most people. If Jaqui had been given a scene or two showing that she was terrified of going back outside it would have made sense for her to go from murder to suicide in the blink of an eye. I just didn't get a die-on-my-own-terms vibe. But whatever, I'm more of a Marilyn Monroe-leave-a-pretty-corpse kinda guy, so maybe it's just me. Maybe some people do like that crispy BBQ action. And despite her freak-out last episode I wanted to see what happened to her, but not like this.

CAROL THE PURSE BOMBER: OH. MY. GAWD. Sure.. ummm, I'll roll with it. Anyone, and I mean anyone who has the unmitigated badassery to calmly whip out a grenade that they've been lugging around in their purse like it was some TV remote they forgot about is alright by me. I mean really. A grenade. The men of the group are running around like a bunch of school girls tryin' to see Justin Beiber cuz they can't bust through the glass barrier and BAM! Carol just casually whips out an explosive that will save all their butts. Work that shit, Grrrl. Hope she has some tires, gasoline and extra food in that magic bag for later (Hell, maybe she has an extra husband in there too). I mean geez, how did Rick forget about it since he found it? Was there too much going on? Well, Carol remembered it while there was a crisis so what does that say? Told ya'll Rick was kinda thick. He might'z got a purty mouf, but shit for brains. Make that woman leader NOW!

My Ears are Crying: Before I tackle the obvious ongoing, closing-music-as-some-kinda-hipster-irony-whatever-deepness I suggest you snag yourself a copy of Vera Lynn's "We'll Meet Again" (and yes, I do mean the version found on DR. STRANGELOVE). Now put that in place of Dylan's closing song and tell me that doesn't work better. Now remember, Jaqui done got blowed up... some of the escaping group were smote with pesky blast burns, bubbling flesh and missing half their face from being so close to ground zero (oops, sorry, that would be in real life, my bad), they're driving off into the sunset in more vehicles than there are survivors, and we're stuck waiting for a almost a fracking year for the next season. Go on, I'll wait.

(tick, tock, tick, tock)

There, see? Tell me you ain't all misty eyed like yer momma done took away yer XBOX and kicked yer ass out the basement with only a half bag of tater chips. Uh huh, thought so. Save Dylan for one of them Johnny Cash "The Man Comes Around" montages you know is coming.

OVERALL: This was a compelling episode. The opening was probably the most exciting segment of the show. Seeing how Shane dealt with Rick was revealing. At best, he was literally up against the wall with split second life and death decisions to make for both, creating some serious tension. At worst, we see he's a piss poor trained officer and first responder who let his emotions get the best of him when he was checking for Rick's vitals. Still pretty awesome beginning.

It was interesting that in the previous episode, Rick has a meltdown as his grand plan crashes around them and they are stuck outside with death inching towards them. Then once inside they repay the "kindly" doc, by getting shitfaced throughout the facility.  Nice. While they are eating, further displays of their shitty social skills come into view, and Shane kills the fun by being...well... a dick. He rudely confronts the doctor for info, as if he's pressing him for some murder confession. Luckily the doc shuts down his, and most of their rude asses, with, well....reality....and what a bitch she is these days. Guess that showed Andrea that there's a bigger bitch in town now. Didn't come for the eggs, indeed. I assumed the doc's little brain-go-boom presentation was gonna knock her butt down a few more notches and back to some form of civility. Nooooo, as usual Andrea has to go there again with the whole, "What yer saying is we're screwed" yammer like it's all his fault. See, it's all in the cadence... the nuance. She has none. She just has "Bitch". Gawd... I implore someone to take control of this character's writing before I kick in my flipping TV. And to Laurie Holden, you are selling this shit a little too well, Grrl. I hate your character more than one of my exes.

Now, as irritating as I found some of the survivors’ behavior, I did enjoy this infomercial...err, section most of all. It was almost payback watching them squirm as they realized their fates were hopelessly sealed, and we hadn't even gotten to the ‘splosion part. No more CRATE & BARREL. No more WAL-MART. No more ESPRESSO. It's OVAH! And no amount of tantrums, snarky comments, friending, posting etc.... is gonna save ya. I've always thought these guys were some damn rude SOBs that needed to effing chill and the doc managed to accomplish this with brutal, clinical precision and barely raised an eyebrow... well his voice maybe. Hopefully with their new lease on life they'll grow up a little.

I'll also hope that since we've seen a kid zombie, a horse eaten, a wife-beater beaten, children drinking, and now Shane's drunken sexual assault on Lori, that we'll get to see Carl finally get a gun in hand next season and none of this PC glaze over. The scene between Shane and Lori was a disturbing and well-done (although Lori still seems to act  by staring) that there should be no excuse to hold back in this show.

‘SPLOSIONS AND THINGS BLOWEDED UP: The ending felt rushed. The finale really needed some breathing room and it felt as if there was an entire middle sequence missing that needed to get us to the countdown room more effectively. It was because of this expediency that the doc's actions didn't quite gel. He's obviously a man of some honor who sticks to commitments and gives a damn. It's irrelevant that he's revealed to be a scientist grunt and merely stuck to the plan. He still valued human life enough to continue working besides the fact he let them in knowing things were ultimately futile. Was this his god complex in allowing them one last night of fun before he destroyed them? Also, despite containment protocols, he still wasn't depicted as unhinged enough that he would assume the destiny of these survivors was entirely his call. He went from quiet and having some suspected internalized issues to suddenly he's all suicidal and taking the party with him. It just felt like this section started pulling in too many directions at once. When we finally get to Andrea's choice to stay behind it also seemed a little effed that Dale is positioned in such a way as to focus on her only. This set up, doomsday timing and their relationship be damned, just looks sloppy as Hell that Jaqui is there like a piece of meat and no acknowledgement. Despite this, I was still quite moved by Dale's comments and Jaqui's choice.

So, there you have it. Time to start watching the clock for next season. More episodes should hopefully give the new writers....oops! The writers who haven't been fired but aren't all there some stretching room with the new freelancers that didn't really get hired. I'm eager to see Michonne & Tyrese show up – two characters I sincerely hope they do not mess with – as well as the reappearance of Merle. Guess we'll see, right?

The Walking Dead: Review Episode 5, "Wildfire"

WILDTIRED

(Or, Pardon Me But I'm Feeeling A Little Bitchy)

By Dread Sockett

So here we are at the next to last episode of Season One of TWD. For this review I want to attempt a less is more attitude and knock this out in as few words as possible (quit laughing over there little ms. editor.) (Editor’s note: bwhahahahahaha.). Think of this attempt like the show itself, where 40+ minutes of actual viewing time needs to communicate an hour and a half of material. Now, I won't lie, this is kind of a test since I've heard that my reviews are far too long. Whatever. I'm feeling bitchy....so let's see what we come up with shall we?

The big news this week was that FRANK DARABONT has canned his writers. To that I say good. It's about time. The show’s writing has been on a swift landslide into mediocrity. Of course it's wonderful to have a weekly zombie show, but what good is it if it's filled with unlikable "survivors"  and a time frame that is woefully short to get around to the "they're really good people once we get to know them"? I say good riddance and good luck to DARABONT in this bold move. I certainly won't argue if it means some of this DAWSON'S CREEK shit gets ditched. Can it go either way? Of course. I'll take my chances.

Episode 5 (“Wildfire”) was probably my new favorite episode and finally, the characterization gets ramped up even more. In hindsight, we look at how poorly developed the characters have been that it almost works against itself now that there's some emotional moments going on. Many characters weren't all that likable to begin with so now FINALLY we have reason to care and we must force ourselves because that's what we're supposed to do. In the case of Andrea sitting with her sister for what? 12 hours? That was touching and all, but come on, that was beginning to get soapy; I mean I was starting to break out the wash cloth and lather up. I understand where they were trying to go, but it began to feel forced being so drawn out. It stopped being touching and became unhinged. It also did not help in the least that she pulls a gun on Rick (for a second time), which undermines the sentiment of the moment.  Andrea is fucking nuts, dead sister or not. Get that bitch some Ativan STAT next trip into town.

And just when I thought the group was getting some serious, convincing, personality time so that I didn't feel the need to paint them as a bunch of poor-desperate-white-collars-on-the-verge-of-nervous-breakdown, they go and have Jim's outing by Jaque just get out of control. I mean shit, instead of acting with compassion that one of her compatriots is mortally wounded and OBVIOUSLY (KEYWORD) not about to turn in a second, they have her go batshit crazy. Why'd they finally give her screen time and do that to her? I hate the bitch now. Then of course, she yo-yo's and becomes Florence Nightingale in the van. TOUCHING HIM AND SHIT. Remember folks, she had springs in her ass when he was clearly ambulatory and lucid, yet when he's obviously succumbing to infection she's right up against his face? She kisses him for fuck’s sake! THE HELL? Did I miss something in Zed 101? I guess she really was a government worker back in the day with them two-faced social skills (no offense to government workers who do actually have class). And I kinda liked her too.

THANK GAWD DALE IS STILL AROUND. The only person I truly like (read: that has fucking brains worth a shit in this group).

Rick's meltdown was good...though why did it take until now to show he had more than one emotion inside? Was he just too tired from chasing that wandering accent? Everyone else too, had a good show of emotions that I wish was apparent when the shows first started and we were getting to know them. I would've thought much better of the show and the actors than I have. I mean jeezuz, I've been more interested in Darryl and Merle all this time and that's a damn problem. But if yer gonna stick me with assholes then I'll at least stick with the ones with actual survival skills. OVERALL: A good solid episode that should have been the standard from the start.

Frank Darabont, work some magic with the new guys. When I saw you were willing to shoot the little girl zombie and take the horse down (despite riling all the PC bitches) I couldn't wait to see what you were gonna hit us with. What followed was a pale imitation of that fuck-it stance. Bring on Seasons 2's new writers. IT'S A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, START FUCKING SOME SHIT UP!

And I lied...I ran my mouth.

Review: Rise Again

RISE AGAIN

By Ben Tripp

Review by Dread Socket

It was when I caught myself uttering the words "Ben Tripp can kiss my ass!" after he killed off a character I was really beginning to like that I realized I was in for the long haul. Seriously in. He crafted this person against all expectation and then the bastard killed him. Bad Ben, bad!

Ben Tripp's little bit of Deadlit nirvana, Rise Again, is an easy book for me to recommend. It harkens back to 2007, the Original Summer of Zed Love, when it wasn't unusual to have 2-3 books going at once while juggling Z films and comics. There were rare occasions when works rose to the top of the pile, distinguishing themselves from the horde and surprised the Hell out of me for being damn near exactly what I'd want in a Deadlit book. Not just pulp entertainment, but nearly perfect without feeling like I was settling (those fans who've waded through umpteenth zed variations to get to the type they prefer, you know exactly what I mean). To my surprise, Rise Again quickly became one of those rare finds.

I was initially put off by the publisher's description and assumed, yet again, we had another by-the-numbers-touchy feely-find-the-loved-one and try-not-to-get-eaten book. In this case, there was the added “edginess” of a female lead in what is usually a male role. It's been my (frequent) experience that when a book makes gender/orientation/(insert non-dominate group) switches from the “norm” it calls attention to itself, as if the mere fact it exists in the narrative isn't compelling enough. Usually the guilty party is a scribe who has no obvious affiliation with whatever group they're depicting and probably has no business attempting to speak with any authority for or about them, especially while using them as a plot device. [Editor’s note: Dread has enough soapboxes stored in his bunker to last until doomsday.]

In this case, Tripp was speaking from the place of an empowered ex-military woman struggling with community/civilian re-integration, functional alcoholism, and combat-related PTSD. That's a mighty steep cliff to climb, with an even more perilous fall if Tripp failed in his characterization. He didn’t. As it ended up, I could probably write a behavioral assessment and modification plan for Tripp's lead Danny. Her psyche profile, in all its intense shades, is revealed with so much depth that she becomes less a character and more an extension of the reader, faults and all. We empathize with her because we do in fact see her drive in us. We also see that her faulty thinking isn't that of the other person, but stuff we could possibly find ourselves contemplating if we were honest about it.

With Danny, Tripp gives us a highly flawed, yet sympathetic “heroine” (however reluctant). We want to curse her under our breath, as we would a friend for making certain decisions and sigh with relief when she escapes a crisis. Tripp holds her, as well as the rest of the characters, accountable for their actions which means there are no miracle saves for any of them adding authenticity and tension to their zed universe. Danny gets the shit kicked out of her more than once and she clearly acts like a dumbass at times. Hell, even the book's catalyst, Danny's search for her sister, is painted as a fool's errand almost from the start. Sentiment doesn’t bode well in their world. We zombie fans are notorious for complaining about not getting enough gritty, realistic zombie action. Tripp’s world cruel and unforgiving, so I must shut up and suck up the consequences (but he can still kiss my ass).

THE STORY: Danielle “Danny” Adelman is an Iraq combat veteran who's returned home and charged not only with continuing care for her younger sister, Kelley, but she’s also sheriff of the sleepy southern California town of Forest Peak. None of this works out particularly well for her. On the day she is to be honored and receive the key to the town, surrounded by throngs of gathered tourists and townsfolk, all Hell breaks loose.

The least of her immediate problems is that Kelley ran away leaving behind a cryptic farewell note. The worst is nearby Los Angeles, overrun by a mysterious infection that turns its victims into mindless, screaming banshees that literally run until they drop dead. The reach of this mysterious infection is expanding beyond the big cities and starting to touch the outlying townships. Freeways clog as people drop dead in their cars while oceans of humanity engulf the streets. The runners eventually trickle into Forest Peak and as the town succumbs, Danny and a group of other survivors band together to find a way out. They soon realize  that those who've fallen will rise again (and we have a title! YAY!). And let me tell you, there’s some pretty creepy stuff going on here. The “spatula/cafe scene” comes to mind as one of the few narrative setups in any novel that genuinely grossed me out.

Danny’s group escapes to the desert in a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants exit that very well could've climaxed the book right there. Tripp handles action sequences skillfully enough that after its excitement, the desert sequence threatens to screech things to a halt. Luckily, Tripp takes the time to continue building his characters during this lull. Danny eventually sets off to find Kelly. Along the way the scope of this contagion is revealed, as are clues to her sister's whereabouts. Danny's journey takes her up the California coast and eventually lands her in the ashen city of San Francisco, with the realization that looking for her sister may not be the best idea after all.

I'm tempted to offer more insight into Tripp's handling of Danny's journey, but it would lead to even more spoilers. I'll leave potential readers to discover the varied twists and developments on their own. I wasn’t even sure what I thought of it all as it was developing, but its handling is one of the book’s strengths and reasons to read it. Another point that I am typically unyielding about is zombie types. Again, no spoilers, but with Tripp's crucial placement, I was willing to accept the touch he added.

Are there moments that threaten to get out of control? Ehh.... yea, probably depending on your suspension of disbelief and maybe even life experience, but I found it acceptable. There were a couple of points in the development of the desert survivors’ predicament that I found a little forced. That felt a little clumsy in the pacing when compared to Tripp’s thoroughness elsewhere. Otherwise, I was willing to roll with almost anything he did after the escape from Forest Peak. You certainly won’t see some hot babe on a motorcycle come crashing through a stained glass church window, perfectly timed to save a group that’s being attacked by mutated monsters (*ahem*RE2*cough*rolls eyes). Instead, Tripp confidently juggles all elements of zombie lore like a veteran and creates an immersive zombie experience that you'll want to revisit again… after you’ve caught your breath.

384 pages

Publisher: Gallery (Simon and Schuster)

Pub Date: October 26, 2010

ISBN-13: 978-1439165164

The Walking Dead: Review Episode 4, "Vatos"

LA DOLCE VATOS

By Dread Sockett

Since “predictable” is in the air these days, it won’t surprise you when I say I’ll (sorta) follow last week’s entry and drop dime with nerd rage first, then I’ll kiss and make it better. Cool?

Now that we’re starting to get into more serious character insight, I think it’s becoming evident that these episodes really need to be longer. Personally, I feel the short episode action is just not working and in fact I suspect it’s stifling the creators. There is just too much that needs to be communicated in the time allotted and it all ends up feeling rushed. It also bugs me because some of these shortcomings are going to eventually reflect poorly on KIRKMAN and his comics, which I honestly feel is almost tragic. AMC needs to hook this show up with more time, or slow the pace down, so the potential is reached. This also might relieve some of the cocked eyebrows the show is receiving because of these dense-ass characters and situations.

FIRST CASE IN POINT: I appreciated the intro sister chat between Amy and Andrea thinking “Yea, this is what I’ve been waiting for.” Here the characters can breathe and I can see there are people under these entitled and/or idiot facades. These semblances of attempted normalcy in this apocalyptic setting, while delivering insight into characters is sorely needed especially now that we’re two shows from the end of Season 1. I don’t care if they’re talking about fishing lures, just give me tidbits of their past/present and maybe I will understand and care, finally.

Then it occurred to me that well, this must mean one of them is gonna die. Not in the future, but NOW, this episode. There were just too many Hallmark reflections and tight camera angles happening all at once. It seemed to foreshadow one of their deaths per Hollywood Rules 101 (reflect on shared history and loss, then kill one leaving one left to carry the torch and there you have it: automatic character tragedy and sympathy). A classic cliché set-up. And BINGO!  We had a winner. The good thing at least, like Carl’s tent comments in episode 3, this sets Andrea on her 2.0 path comic readers will be familiar with (hopefully).

THANK BEELZEBUB that Andrea (Laurie Holden) pulled off the final scene with just the right emotion that this sorta trite setup was mostly forgiven. It really was touching. It’s these little moments I look forward to finding while wading through the quagmire that sometimes surrounds them.

A minor quibble: easing up on them micro-zooms would help let the scenes like this breathe a little. A contrast between Andrea dealing with the urgency of her sister’s death and the camp attack crisis surrounding her simultaneously would’ve taken this up another notch. As it was, I caught myself thinking of OASIS OF THE ZOMBIES’ almost aggressively, intimate zooms and really, that’s not a good thing when Laurie Holden is working her shiz. And that she did. Kudos to her.

HOODRAT CAREPROVIDIN’ - CASE IN POINT 2: Okay, havin’ a little...err... teeny bit of insight into this particular set up (hoodrats moonlighting as careproviders, not the whole zombie apocalypse or hostage trading) I really appreciated seeing this attempted. The thought counted, at least a little in my book. However, the execution of the concept was clumsy, like someone from the outside looking in and maybe even romanticizing what some crazy gun exchange would look like, but never having met a thug except through MTV’s Cribs. And yes, I do realize it was a front. This was a script issue, not a matter of whether a reformed custodian could pull off a smoke screen. Just cuz you’re a custodian doesn’t mean you’re oblivious to your environment, it is usually the opposite.

What stood out like a sore thumb, was our Junior homie in the wife beater who gets clocked by Darryl. Like the later gangbanger scenes, there was a mix between shit delivery and bad lines that made this feel a little tilted. It’s most notable because Darryl at this point is becoming damn near one of the best developed characters in the show and he makes the baby boy hoodrat’s deficiencies in script and acting stand out. The poor actor kid was no match to any of the guys in those scenes.

Which brings me to the “negotiation” scenes: So like I said, I was real cool with the end of the world homies as caregivers idea, as I can see people I know doing just that. But at the same time, none of their gangster asses shoulda broke code THAT QUICK (fakin’ the funk or not). Having a spokesperson who would seems also as unlikely, but maybe this is a down South thing the creators were doing. Grandma swoopin’ in doesn’t excuse things either. I mean shit, you go there and have this “new take” on “minorities” but then make them too stupid to barricade the doors effectively against the elderlies during a shake-down for guns?!

The selling of this scene relied first and foremost on credibility. Here, it fell flat, feeling like Hollywood Gangster 101 (lotta 101’s this episode). There was little tension and it felt rushed. I’ll give Kirkman some swing on this since some of what I thought was needed to sell this set up was more authentic aggressiveness in the script/lines, which in turn, theoretically, woulda allowed for less wonkyass delivery. I mean, damn, I never thought I’d say it, but more cussing would’ve improved the believability factor. But all the real-ness came through via the swagger display only (I mean geez guy, I was ready to slap wardrobe if I saw someone bust out with a DICKIES and STACY ADAMS combo with waxed, razor pleats). This just felt like the suits came in and did some ‘clean-up’. “We want that urban thing Kirkman, but it needs to play to middle America.”

THAT SAID: This is where I would’ve liked the episode opened up in length, with this idea and group explored a little more. It not only would’ve been a refreshing change, but there was an intriguing social dynamic at work here. They darn sure had it together more than Rick’s group.

QUIBBLES AND BITCH: Uhm... so let’s bag on Glenn for a sec. Now you’re buddies just tried to save your ass, while risking theirs, from what they thought was a near-death situation. You obviously have insight to what’s happening with your abductors to know the Homeland-terror-level-alert has dropped. The least you coulda done when they came into the joint was get off your ass and look like this meant something and start explaining. But noooooooooo... let’s not ask too much. Side-effects of WoW withdrawal are a very ugly thing folks.

CAMP: Jim’s meltdown was a moving scene. I’m glad to see his character finally having some depth after not knowing WTF he was about all this time. However, I still think the camp people are mostly idiots. Shane and the bunch showing up like a mob to someone who is obviously having a PTSD issue (even before the reveal) was a bit sloppy. Shane obviously missed the behavior mod classes at work. Dale, I like a lot and is clearly the most sensible of the bunch. His “Faulkner watch” speech wasn’t all that deep, yet actually kinda poignant, but our mall babies just missed it entirely. Are there brains in them heads to eat? Gonna be some hungry zombies.

ED: HAHA. AWESOME. And last but not least: the writers need to beef up Rick a bit. He’s kinda becoming the least interesting character. I think we’re skating on thin ice when Darryl becomes the more interesting of the two. T-dog seems to be coming around too and I kinda like the dude. His original rooftop intro wasn’t all that flattering. He’s feeling more like a real person now and not some cutout. And all hail the extras who get eaten. We’d have no cast and no reason to rewind to see who the Hell that was who got munched, cuz ya know ya never saw their butts before.

Speaking of munchies... Is zombie junk food fattening? I suspect I’m gonna be sporting a paunch when this season ends. There’s a lot of “stuff” in these ingredients, but dammit, I just can’t stop watching it.

The Walking Dead: Review Episode 3, Tell it to the Frogs

TELL IT TO THE SPARTANS...MARINES...FROG LEGS...FROGS

By Dread Sockett

Let's make a deal. We all like bargains, right? And this is an apocalypse so we should all be in wheeler-dealer mode. If I (with fingers crossed behind my back) promise to (try to) be (sorta) nice(ish) this episode, will you let me talk shit....offer constructive criticism? Would it sweeten the deal if I said this was probably (rough edges and all) my favorite (all points considered) episode (despite feeling like an apocalyptic GENERAL HOSPITAL) so far? FAIR? Good, let's get bizzay:

So the bad: Why, oh why, didn't they just combine the first three episodes? Or even broadcast "TELL IT TO THE FROGS" with "GUTS" ("Tell It To The Frog Guts?") as one segment? It would have made the changes feel less arbitrary and maybe even more agreeable. I sure would've had some different opinions. The closing shot in Episode 3 clearly shows they could've done this and left us with a real cliffhanger. Instead, by appearances, they just took a hatchet to the middle of Episode 2, irrespective of original story integrity, and then tacked on yet another product endorsement....err, cheesy ending. I mean damn, this is poised to become the feel-good apocalypse if they don't watch that shit.

Let's just look at it from a story presentation and this viewer's perspective:

In "GUTS," we had virtually no reason to assume any of the characters had any redeeming qualities or a reason to care about them other than the fact that they were in a zombie apocalypse. Well, except Rick, who's looking for his family, but we know more about Morgan and son than him at this point, so he's still getting sympathy on credit cuz he sure ain't sayin' much. And how much quiet brooding and inner turmoil do we allow before we just admit Rick is kinda dense? Well intentioned, but not the brightest bulb. I mean, we're already suspending disbelief that he basically walked away from a coma, without dying from dehydration, residual effects, or zombies. I'm runnin' outta suspenders for my pair of disbeliefs, mmmkay. 

And let's be clear – when I say we had no reason to believe squat, this translates to we had no reason to bother watching further episodes that involved this mostly thick-headed, bitchy, entitled sounding group of people – at least as the mostly smart entertainment that readers came to expect from the books. As cheap, zombie junk food it's stellar-seriously, but is that what they're gonna settle for? It's like that BF/GF you dated who's really cute...as long as you looked at them in profile. Unlike the books, we have before us a group that acts like all their socialization skills came exclusively from their Facebook and Twitter accounts. And with no internet you know that shit was doomed from the get-go so why bother? Leaving us hanging with a group of irritating people is not a cliffhanger, it's just irritating. But thank gawd for redemption in Episode 3. Merle's rooftop cliffhanger was a genuinely intriguing close that made you wanna know WTF happened next??? The two episodes should never have been split. That's my nerd-rage this post and I'm sticking to it. Now the good.

THE WEIRD EPIPHANY: You gotta admit, Merle's opening scene was some powerful shiznit. However, isn't there something a little off when we finally get some new character development that makes us pay attention, and dare I say maybe even care, and it's in the form of the villainous, racist dude we're supposed to hate? Like we go from cardboard bad guy to the deepest guy in the show. So now he’s like cardboard with glitter on top. Merle's meltdown was, as far as this show is concerned, amazing. He went from completely losing his shit with the zombies about to snack on him to flip-mode and deciding to go out swingin'.

I felt like I got to know Merle more than anyone else in this show and all before the opening credits even hit. That was some pretty deep stuff. The only other characters that displayed this believable, nuanced and tragic quality were Morgan & Duane. I really kind of felt bad for Merle up there, in that okay, the dude's a scumbag, but he doesn't deserve to go out like that. At least let his ass go down fighting. I'll give this one to the creators (Michael Rooker’s performance goes without saying) for mind effin' me this way, makin' me feel kinda guilty for givin' a damn about Merle. Ya bastards. Now where was this quality of storytelling before? The later camp scenes are certainly revealing and a most welcome progression but Rooker stole the show.

DEVELOPMENTS I LOVE LONG TIME: I was really enjoying the chance to finally get some insight into these people. Thankfully they redeemed Lori a bit with her quarry-side revelation with Shane. THAT was interesting. I’m also gonna wait for more info as to why she knocked boots so quick with her husband’s best friend – dead or not (sorry folks, say whatcha want, but that’s just creepy even after the reveal). I'm also on the fence about her character in general after being a snit to Rick when the group is arguing about fetching Merle and she basically volunteers him; then has the nerve to bitch about it when he jumps on the chance to go back.

Ed gettin' his butt tossed like yesterday's newspaper was immensely gratifying. Seeing Carol run back to him after was also interesting since it showed the creators were gonna tackle some interesting, possibly complex, abuse issues. If it's handled carefully, all of that could provide some compelling viewing that goes beyond these already tired cat-fights. Shane also proved to be a little more layered than I previously thought. Not that this says much, but he has a bit more depth this go around and seeing how this whole triad works out is gonna be some serious talk show shiz for sure.

The one “reveal”I found most interesting was the most subtle – Lori and Carl's conversation after Rick left for Merle. It was just a few words from Carl reassuring Lori that spoke volumes about where his character was headed so it was cool to see the writers jump on shaping him into the little man he becomes. Dale was also handled well, and is obviously set to be at least one of, if not the voice of reason in their crackass camp.

And am I the only one who thinks Merle and his brother are hardwired to survive this zombie crisis better than anyone else here? I mean damn, the bro took down a deer and came back to camp with a string of squirrels and Shane's best idea was rounding up frog legs with the son of your best friend, whose wife you were previously banging until he recovered and showed up out the blue from that coma you lied yer ass off about to get some tang. I'll place my bets with the roadkill and backstraps guy until further notice. Now, I said I was gonna be nice so you can decide what the Hell women doing all the laundry is all about. Though if they start handing out hot coffee to the menziz during a zombie bum rush, I'm outta here. All we'll need next is for a gay survivor to show up and get assigned to sprucing up the camp. Just sayin' ya'll, not hatin'.

So now, we're at least getting somewhere. Characters still remind me of doorknobs at times, but this episode gives me hope that we've got some workable, even complex story developments stepping off. Hopefully, all this drama we're seeing is explored intelligently and not for sake of cheap thrills. Onto episode 4….